Many people, men and women ask me, ‘How can I give my lover the best pleasure, the most delicious pleasure ever?’
Whether lovers are new, or committed, young or older, or heterosexual or same gender, where do you start?
I suggest exploring methods and kinds various of pleasure sessions.
Learn more about the Art of Pleasure
Come to Byron Bay and have a Loveworks Tantra Lesson to by guided through how to give and receive a massage for pleasure and deep connection with your beloved.
One practice to tune in and harmonise with your lover is to slowly follow each others breath.
No one is to lead, but to harmonise and enjoy the experience of finding harmony between both breaths.
Slow down, let go and allow a flow of ‘energy’ to grow and your breath will take care of itself.
Don’t get caught up in thoughts, yours or what you may think the other is thinking, get out of your own way.
Focus for a little while on your own breath, on slowing down to a relaxed rhythm of breath entering your nostrils and your lungs, feeling your diagram raise and fall. What the breath leave your lungs and your nostrils to merge with the rest of your exhale.
Sink more deeply into your breath.
Slowly, maybe playfully finding a combined rhythm with your lover, your beloved.
This is one way of using Tantric Breath.
Your intimate connection with a partner is not only a way to explore pleasure and love, it is also a way to find, and deepen your spiritual path.
It is valuable to set aside special times to treat your lovemaking as a spiritual practice.
Meditation, prayer, ritual and ceremony are common practices people use on a spiritual path and these can be combined into lovemaking by:
Creating the right attitude.
Plan with your partner : ‘Let’s make love as a meditation today.’
This creates the mind-set that everything you do in this particular session is for your spiritual growth.
Creating a special space, prepare and tidy the space perhaps by placing ritual objects on a small table nearbyflowers, incense, candles and other special objects of spiritual significance for you.
Sitting opposite each other and making a devotion.
This is like a prayer where you can say things such as
‘May our energy and intention of our lovemaking today be devoted to our bonding, understanding ourselves and each other. speaking words of kindness daily and frequently to each other,’
What ever is appropriate for you.
Discover more about Tantra as a spiritual path.
One of the common problems in relationships and partnership is that often partners feel they are not being appreciated enough for what they do, yet this is often because we forget to voice our appreciation of our partner.
Commonly, we do not realise that we get into the habit of finding what our partner does wrong.
If we stop and bring awareness to our communications it can be a rude surprise to acknowledge that we can put down partner, find fault, generalise in a mean and hurtful way.
We need to make it a daily practice to scan all the things our partner does, and let them know that we appreciate them
Often under appreciation grows into resentment and then a competition for power, a battle. As team-mates in love, partners, lovers should be empowering each other to feel good, but instead they often get into the habit of fault finding and then they only empower each other to feel bad.
This is when love not only turns sour … it goes rancid!
Better in life, not only business, the car, the house, but let’s look at the heart.
Why so many are suffering, experiencing a struggle in matters of the heart.
What can be simple to think and to say, instead of falling in automatic regressive patterns that degrade the quality of life.
Here we are in 2020 and so many of us have been exposed to mindfulness, we may taking moments in nature to sustain and replenish ourselves and yet relationships and families are in crisis.
This is what the Loveworks Program offers ways of moving forward and relearning love and sustaining love through the hard times.
In the initial stages of most relationships when men and women meet and fall in love, there is lots of love and energy and intimacy, lots of lovemaking and lots of passion. Then, after a period of time many couples lose it. The Hite Report states that eighty five percent of women say that after two years of being in a relationship or marriage they love their husbands but they are no longer ‘in love’ with them. Some couples will say to Diane and me: ‘We still have sex, our passion still comes up occasionally, but it seems to have lost its sizzle, it’s lost its juice. The intimacy and the opening that we used to feel in our hearts when we first met isn’t really there any more. We’re not in love like we used to be.’
There is a school of thought that believes: ‘Well that’s natural, that’s what happens.’ It is natural and it is what happens unless couples consciously choose to continue to create love and passion in their relationships. This is possible, but it requires a decision that this is something that you dearly want in your lives, something that you treasure, something that you believe will give you more from life than anything else.
The path of relationship as one of the quickest paths to personal growth and fulfilment physically, emotionally, spiritually and sexually. Relationship can be a path through which we get a tangible experience of love. For this reason if you decide to put a lot of energy, care and attention into it so that you experience more love in this lifetime. We know that at the end of our lives what will count more than anything else will be how much we loved.
Above everything else, we all want love. We can go through life and gain a lot of things materially and socially, but if we miss out on love then we will have missed the most important thing in life. The woman with whom you have chosen to live your life your beloved is the one you have allowed to get closest to you, and through her you have the potential to feel even more love in this lifetime. A lot of couples make a common error. They put more energy into their career, their family, their sport and their interests than into their relationship. They expect their relationship will progress satisfactorily while they get on with these so-called much more important things. They do not realise that by supporting and nurturing their primary relationship, they will be able to enhance and give more energy and creativity to all these other pursuits and relationships.
Treat your relationship with your beloved as a wonderful gift and see it as a generator of creativity, providing energy for everything else that you want to do.
In other words, make an agreement to treat your relationship as high priority and put in the energy necessary to support that decision.
The truth is that no matter how much we want our relationships to run smoothly, disharmony still occurs. We get out of sync with our partner. We have disagreements, we argue and sometimes we get angry and hurt and say things to our partner that we wouldn’t say to our worst enemy.
What can we do about disharmony? First we need to have the right attitude. If we have the attitude that conflict should not occur, then we are always going to be under stress. Conflict is a part of growth and does occur in a healthy relationship. Very often the closer we get to our beloved, the more conflicts arise, so we need to develop the attitude, as we confront uncomfortable situations together, that although it can be painful, it is an opportunity to grow closer together.
Many people have the attitude that a good relationship must always be smooth and controlled, so they are unhappy and disappointed with their marriage when it doesn’t happen like that. They spend a lot of energy covering up the disharmony from others and they cover it up from each other until it gets out of control, and then the whole relationship explodes. So the first thing to have in your relationship is the understanding that disharmony is part of a healthy relationship, that it’s natural. Loving couples strive for the joy of becoming closer and closer together. They want union, but along with union comes dependence which can make a man feel that he is allowing a woman to hold power over him. Men don’t want to have to depend on women; to some men this dependence threatens their sense of masculinity and they resent it. Many women also resent feeling dependent on men and this creates an ongoing struggle for power and independence.
That is why lovers will always go on fighting. The fight is simply a way to show each other they are still independent. We fight and feel like separating sometimes, but it’s not too long before we start wanting to make up, wanting to be held again, because the moment we start separating from our beloved we feel a need for the union. We miss the warmth, we miss the love, we miss the sex, we miss the feeling of union, we feel lonely and so do our partners. So we strive to create union again, and the struggle goes on. Part of us wants to be interdependent while the other part wants independence. It is important not to blame each other because this is something that happens between male and female energies. Don’t take it personally and don’t hurt the other for doing what is part of the man-woman relationship game.
Joys and hurts are part and parcel of falling in love. The secret is to see them as a natural part of a relationship the key is to nurture relationship to keep it healthy and respectful…
There is a well known teaching that says: ‘In order to go forward you must first contract.’ The metaphor is that of a bow and arrow. In order for the arrow to move forward, you must first pull back against the bow. This is like a couple who pull away from each other, contract from each other as tension builds up, then when it is released they move further forward in their relationship. A master archer knows to let go of the arrow as soon as the contraction is complete and his aim is taken. We need to become master archers in our relationships. Lets all be a little bit kinder, and if you can … take a moment … to check …in with yourself to be passionate, present and respectful.
..It’s not a coconut oil mouth rinse technique, much sexier than that…
Did you know it’s great for your health to self pleasure? It raising your natural feel-good endorphins, increases your immune system, keeps colds away and radiates your bliss from inside out!
How to …
“Inner and Outer”…The lip layers of your vulva are like the petals of a flower. …
the length of the outer lips between the thumb and the fingertips. Then do
the same with the inner lips. You can also use circular massage between the
thumb and the fingers, trying different pressures to suit. Try “pulling” your lips
gently extending them, pulling them, bringing subtle pleasure.
Place your entire hand over your yoni and vibrate your hand, pause, and
then continue. Now use the middle three fingers, gliding them back and
forth along the opening, with the little finger and thumb sliding between
the inner and outer lips of the vagina. Vibrate your hand and fingers as you
lightly stroke from the very base of the vagina right through and over the
clitoris. Move you hand in this way from the perineum area up toward the
clitoris, taking note of what pleasurable feelings arise.
Sometimes, direct stimulation of the clitoris can quickly turn from pleasure
to irritation or pain. So take time to experiment. To orientate direction for
this exercise, think of your clitoris as a tiny clock face, with the line from
12 o’clock to six o’clock representing the vertical axis. The 12 is where
your clitoris is and the six is towards the perineum. Start at 12 o’clock and,
with circular stroking, make little circles around the edge of the clock face,
polishing the whole area of the jewel, not just directly on the tip.
How to get through? A great technique is meditative sending/channelling reiki/ love, appreciation, compassion, tuning in…
Place your hands over your ovaries, with your index fingers touching to form a triangle at the top of the pubic bone and the tips of your thumbs touching just under your navel. The ovaries are approximately 5cm (2in) below the skin (depending on the amount of goddess padding you have!).
Through your hands, imagine a connection of energy is forming, between your palms and your ovaries, womb, and vaginal area. Now, imagine a current of healing energy coming through your hands, sending this reproductive part of your body love and appreciation.
Next, move the heel of one hand over your pubic bone, allowing your palm and fingers to encase your yoni. Experience a feeling of gratitude for your sacred place as you would for your eyes if you had regained lost sight. Be grateful, for this is the part of your body that makes you a woman.
In our ultra sexualized world, where pornography is influencing popular views and values about sex, have you admired your Yoni for the beautiful creation it is?
Consider how you may have thought differently about your most sacred place.
Your Yoni is rour sacred place, the vagina, but most of us don’t think about how our sexual upbringing and inherited cultural and family values about sexuality have affected us. We take for granted a certain level of prudishness or conservatism in most Western societies. But if you had grown up in ancient India and had been instructed in the arts of sacred sexuality, you would have faced a very different set of teachings — The Kama Sutra for instance, was written between the 4th and 6th Century, drawing inspiration from earlier works designed to instruct the cultured citizen in the arts of lovemaking.
In ancient India, in sections of the community, young girls coming into puberty were taught that sex was life’s greatest gift, a link between the divine and existence. They were taught that sex and the yoni was sacred and that to derive pleasure from sex was a prayer to the divine, a way of showing gratitude for existence. Sex was believed to be healing, rejuvenating, energising; it was a means to reach mystical states of love and consciousness; a way to enter a spiritual realm.
If, for example, you had had your sexual education from the matrilineal tribes of Guyana, Africa, your sexual self-acceptance and means of self-expression might be entirely different, too. In this culture the early development of a woman’s sexuality is encouraged. From the moment they reach puberty, girls are taught that their sexuality is their most precious gift and a girl’s first monthly period is an occasion of celebration and feasting.More significantly, the first period heralds the occasion when a girl learns to use her sexuality for her fullest pleasure and developing celebratory connection with her yoni, and how to attract and keep a man.
Expressing your inner sex goddess
…whilst Creating Boundaries
When we enliven our sexiness, we become alluring and magnetic, like
Aphrodite. So how do we remain connected to her golden glow but still
protect ourselves from intrusions or abuse? This can be difficult, but it
is important to find the balance between the attention we want and the
attention we don’t want.
Boundaries can act as valuable tools to protect yourself from others as
well as to contain yourself and help you find a healthy balance between
both. Equally, it is important to be absolutely clear within ourselves about
what these boundaries are and what they mean to us. Which give s you more freedom with
your inner sex goddess.
Shirley Smith, in ‘Set Yourself Free in Relationship’ writes: “Getting
clear about boundaries and how to put them in place is one of the most
essential things you can do to teach people how to treat you. In fact, your
current boundaries — or lack of them — are directly related to how
people treat you.” She suggests asking yourself two questions:
‘What am I allowing that I shouldn’t be allowing?’
‘What am I not allowing that I should?’ 8
Use these simple questions to guide you in establishing what is right
for you while still staying available for intimacy and not loosing touch
with your own good common sense.
Learning and Knowing what your boundaries are around sexuality is sometimes
difficult since, in the dance of relationships, these can often shift and
evolve. However, in a situation that is unknown, such as at a social
gathering where you are unsure of the company, you need to be absolutely
clear of your boundaries and maintain them. If necessary, be explicit in
letting others know. Be able to say ‘no’ and mean it. An emphatic ‘no’
shows any unwelcome intruder that you are in charge of yourself and the
situation! This doesn’t always mean that you need to be in a rage. Rather,
allow the grace and confidence of your goddess energy to take control
of the situation. The way a spirited young lady friend of mine handles
unwelcome attention is with grace and humour. Often, she will simply
say: “you’ve got good taste my friend but, ‘no, thank you’.”
Knowing and expressing boundaries can act as valuable tools to prevent us from becoming a
victim. Equally, it is important to be absolutely clear within ourselves
about what these boundaries are and what they mean to us.
Read more from Sacred and Sexy by Diane Riley
Today’s tantric sexual goddess is a woman who is willing to explore the many sides of her sacred feminine sexuality. She can connect her sexuality with a sense of the sacred. These sides are like facets of a magnificent diamond; just as a flash from one side of a diamond sends out a ray of light, so will developing even one of the following qualities help illuminate your life.
• Enjoys her body and cares for it out of pride, not vanity.
• Recognises the beauty she carries within her and allows this to
•Tantric sexual goddesses can generate powerful energy sometimes by a soft touch and
sometimes with explosive orgasmic contractions.
• Understands that female desire and pleasure are generators of
energy and that this energy is an eternal spring that can bring joy and
passion to everything she does, not only sex.
• Is wise with her sexuality and does not squander it
• Understands the wisdom of sharing her sexual energy only with
those who can appreciate such beauty.
• Knows her boundaries, what’s OK for her and what’s not, but is
ready to test limits.
• Knows that her sexuality can include many aspects of herself and
can be exhibited in a range of ways, for instance from ‘lace to leather’,
or from being meditative and subtle to passionate and erotic.
• Knows how to express her erotic and sexual nature, thus empowering
herself physically as well as emotionally and spiritually.
• Understands that her sexual energy is healing, life affirming and
brings joy to herself and all with whom she shares it.
• Is able to carry the residue of sexual delight and allow it to sustain
her aliveness for days.
Read more: 6 more ways of today’s tantric sexual goddess… https://australianschooloftantra.com.au/tantric-sex-book-for-women-sexy-and-sacred/
Or Read more on about classess
Photo Credit: Vogue 2014