Many people, men and women ask me, ‘How can I give my lover the best pleasure, the most delicious pleasure ever?’
Whether lovers are new, or committed, young or older, or heterosexual or same gender, where do you start?
I suggest exploring methods and kinds various of pleasure sessions.
Learn more about the Art of Pleasure at the August LoveWorks Tantra teacher training
In the initial stages
of most relationships when men and women meet and fall in love, there is lots of love and energy and intimacy, lots of lovemaking and lots of passion. Then, after a period of time many couples lose it. The Hite Report states that eighty five percent of women say that after two years of being in a relationship or marriage they love their husbands but they are no longer ‘in love’ with them. Some couples will say to Diane and me: ‘We still have sex, our passion still comes up occasionally, but it seems to have lost its sizzle, it’s lost its juice. The intimacy and the opening that we used to feel in our hearts when we first met isn’t really there any more. We’re not in love like we used to be.’
There is a school of thought that believes: ‘Well that’s natural, that’s what happens.’ It is natural and it is what happens unless couples consciously choose to continue to create love and passion in their relationships. This is possible, but it requires a decision that this is something that you dearly want in your lives, something that you treasure, something that you believe will give you more from life than anything else.
The path of relationship as one of the quickest paths to personal growth and fulfilment physically, emotionally, spiritually and sexually. Relationship can be a path through which we get a tangible experience of love. For this reason if you decide to put a lot of energy, care and attention into it so that you experience more love in this lifetime. We know that at the end of our lives what will count more than anything else will be how much we loved.
Above everything else, we all want love. We can go through life and gain a lot of things materially and socially, but if we miss out on love then we will have missed the most important thing in life. The woman with whom you have chosen to live your life your beloved is the one you have allowed to get closest to you, and through her you have the potential to feel even more love in this lifetime. A lot of couples make a common error. They put more energy into their career, their family, their sport and their interests than into their relationship. They expect their relationship will progress satisfactorily while they get on with these so-called much more important things. They do not realise that by supporting and nurturing their primary relationship, they will be able to enhance and give more energy and creativity to all these other pursuits and relationships.
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Treat your relationship with your beloved as a wonderful gift and see it as a generator of creativity, providing energy for everything else that you want to do.
In other words, make an agreement to treat your relationship as high priority and put in the energy necessary to support that decision.
The truth is that no matter how much we want our relationships to run smoothly, disharmony still occurs. We get out of sync with our partner. We have disagreements, we argue and sometimes we get angry and hurt and say things to our partner that we wouldn’t say to our worst enemy.
What can we do about disharmony? First we need to have the right attitude. If we have the attitude that conflict should not occur, then we are always going to be under stress. Conflict is a part of growth and does occur in a healthy relationship. Very often the closer we get to our beloved, the more conflicts arise, so we need to develop the attitude, as we confront uncomfortable situations together, that although it can be painful, it is an opportunity to grow closer together.
Many people have the attitude that a good relationship must always be smooth and controlled, so they are unhappy and disappointed with their marriage when it doesn’t happen like that. They spend a lot of energy covering up the disharmony from others and they cover it up from each other until it gets out of control, and then the whole relationship explodes. So the first thing to have in your relationship is the understanding that disharmony is part of a healthy relationship, that it’s natural. Loving couples strive for the joy of becoming closer and closer together. They want union, but along with union comes dependence which can make a man feel that he is allowing a woman to hold power over him. Men don’t want to have to depend on women; to some men this dependence threatens their sense of masculinity and they resent it. Many women also resent feeling dependent on men and this creates an ongoing struggle for power and independence.
That is why lovers will always go on fighting. The fight is simply a way to show each other they are still independent. We fight and feel like separating sometimes, but it’s not too long before we start wanting to make up, wanting to be held again, because the moment we start separating from our beloved we feel a need for the union. We miss the warmth, we miss the love, we miss the sex, we miss the feeling of union, we feel lonely and so do our partners. So we strive to create union again, and the struggle goes on. Part of us wants to be interdependent while the other part wants independence. It is important not to blame each other because this is something that happens between male and female energies. Don’t take it personally and don’t hurt the other for doing what is part of the man-woman relationship game.
Joys and hurts are part and parcel of falling in love. The secret is to see them as a natural part of a relationship the key is to nurture relationship to keep it healthy and respectful…
There is a well known teaching that says: ‘In order to go forward you must first contract.’ The metaphor is that of a bow and arrow. In order for the arrow to move forward, you must first pull back against the bow. This is like a couple who pull away from each other, contract from each other as tension builds up, then when it is released they move further forward in their relationship. A master archer knows to let go of the arrow as soon as the contraction is complete and his aim is taken. We need to become master archers in our relationships. Lets all be a little bit kinder, and if you can … take a moment … to check …in with yourself to be passionate, present and respectful.
https://australianschooloftantra.com.au/tantra-personal-sessions/
Indian journalist Spriha Srivastava interviewed Diane Riley for the Sunday Indian times. Sacred love versus pure sex;
tantra is often taboo
because people don’t understand it. People
usually project their thoughts and fantasies in Tantra
and think that’s what it is. And when you speak of Tantra is often taboo. And that is why they tend to misunderstand
it. Tantra in its purest sense is sexuality and love, and
exploring it emotionally, physically
and spiritually. It’s about being at your highest, purest
and most authentic self. People usually fail to understand the
ritual or practice of love-making as it was in the ancient Hindu
culture. So what people understand,
very wrongly, is that it’s an orgy or free sex or partner swapping. Tantra, in fact, helps one in working on one’s relationship. The initial reactions to Tantra When I first introduced Tantra to people 35 years ago, they would not even understand why I wanted to talk about sexuality and spirituality in the same breath? Neighbours were very suspicious that I was running a brothel in the suburbs, people I met in the neighbourhood thought we were kinky and subversive. People would think that sexuality just belongs to your physical body and spirituality belongs to the soul. That was 35 years ago! Now views have changed a lot, but with some it has not! More People realize the benefits of tantric principles to help in their relationship and to bring closeness, emotionally. It helps discover more sensual pleasures with one’s partner. Tantra can mean many things to different people. For myself I didn’t want to explore Tantra in the swinging style. I wanted to explore deep and connected intimate love through Tantra. I would urge people to explore themselves and their relationship further’. I haven’t seen people stay together who are into swinging . When people go to swinging parties, I think it’s more to do with making a statement that I’m going to let go of my fears and explore sexuality; I’m going to let go of my cultural pre-disposition or what my mom and dad have taught me. And it’s alright to go and explore these things, but deeper relationships are disadvantaged with swinging.
It’s for people who want to explore such a thing and want to experiment. It’s not for those who want a partner for a journey through life. Swinging is
similar to group sex, it can be arousing, breaking down belief systems, an adventure. Tantra, sacred sexuality, on the other hand, can be about exploring sex with your partner. Well, that doesn’t mean that one can’t have thoughts about someone else. But Tantra helps one realize those thoughts as your own desire and then channelize it to use that sexual energy with your own partner. It’s about enhancing your sexual feelings and reaching a spiritual level. So if it’s emotional satisfaction that one needs then Tantra is the way. ”
Tantra sex consultant ,
Diane Riley tells Spriha Srivastava
the sunday indian 54 7 march
c o v e r s t o r y
Diane Riley of the Australian School of Tantra was approached by Lollie Barr from Marie Claire about an interview for an article titled:
Diane put her in contact with a student who had never had an orgasm until exploring tantra, Is was published in Maire Claire Dec 2013… Read part 2 of the article below:
….I went to the appointment without telling a soul, not even Adam. During the first session, it was as if a light had flicked on. For me, sex had been a physical act. I associated it with intercourse and orgasm, whereas Tantra made it about intimacy. My mind was suddenly open to the limitless possibilities of lovemaking. Sex was supposed to be soulful and heartfelt, and orgasm wasn’t the goal- pleasure was.
An important component is the breath work, where you channel energy up your vagina- know in Tantra as they ‘Yoni’, meaning ‘sacred space’ – to the heart centre and then back down again. For homework, Diane showed me some Tantric foreplay techniques, as well as the pelvis floor exercises to practice, and a sequence of circular motions and figure eights with my hips, the idea being to increase blood flow to the pelvic region.
Diane suggested Adam and I return together for a couple’s session. Adam was surprised, but he was really supportive or my desire to deepen our connection and sex life. During our first session, Diane explained the importance of us strengthening and toning our pubococcygenus (or PC) muscles. – the active muscle of contraction during orgasm – to increase our pleasure potential. I’d feel more sensation and Adam could last longer. We also did work to connect our heart energy to our sexual energy to help intimacy.
I felt turned on and very much in love. That night we went home and created a sacred lovemaking space by lighting candles and expressing our appreciation of each other. We did the breathing exercises, using the power of sound to bring us further into a moment. We had a book that showed how to experiment with different foreplay or love-play techniques.
Diane Riley of the Australian School of Tantra was approached by Lollie Barr from Marie Claire about an interview for an article titled:
Diane put her in contact with a student who had never had an orgasm until exploring tantra, Is was published in Maire Claire Dec 2013… Read part 3 of the article below:
By the time Adam finally entered me I was on cloud nine. I was fully aware of every stroke of his penis and his hand on my clit, as I focused on my breathing. Adam had learnt that if he felt he was going to ejaculate, he could stop and let the feeling subside by pulsating his pelvic floor muscles and breathing the urgency away.
Adam was on top of the thrusting at a steady pace, his fingers flicking against my cliot as he looked onto my eyes. I felt so relaxed and close to him that I wasn’t thinking of anything else. I was aware of his entire body against my skin as my muscles contracted around him. The sensation was pure bliss. I knew I was rising to that place as my whole body started shuddering and orgasm tool over.
The release was absolutely amazing. I came, then Adam. As we lay in each other’s arms, I started laughing. I felt so happy it had finally happened. For our second sessions we learnt more about the philosophy as well as ‘daily devotion’, where you spend a week being intimate with each other, but without penetration. The idea is that your energies are harmonising and you’re creating a much stronger intimate bond. I once thought sex was purely about intercourse; now, it’s about connecting as well as pleasure.
Diane Riley of the Australian School of Tantra was approached by Lollie Barr from Marie Claire about an interview for an article titled “I’d never had an orgasm until…”
Diane put her in contact with a student who had never had an orgasm until exploring tantra. Here is what she had to say:
Kristi, 32, works in finance
“We were in the office of our Tantric teacher but there were no inhibitions in there. Adam* had never looked sexier as he stared into my eyes while cupping my vagina, and I returned his gaze and held his erection in my hands, The sexual energy was intense, but I felt so emotionally connected to him as we breathed in unison. I couldn’t wait to get home that night.
Before I discovered Tantra, orgasm was a case of nearly there, but not quite. I’d discovered it was quite common for women not to climax, so I wasn’t really embarrassed by it and I simply accepted it as fact. Then, in February 2012, I fell in love with Adam. I reassured him that while sex could still feel good, my body just didn’t work that way. Deep down, however, I knew I was acting as if I were having more fun than I was. There was another element too: Adam often didn’t last long during intercourse.
Then, the following February, a sexually adventurous girlfriend was telling me about an amazing orgasm she had after doing a Tantric sex workshop when I admitted I hadn’t ever come. She said I should give it a go, so I signed up with the Australian School of Tantra in Byron Bay, NSW. The director, Diane Riley suggested a one-on-one session to begin with, so I’d feel more comfortable.
Read Part 2 of Aritcle
Read Part 3 of Article.. the orgasm
To Read Diane’s Interview for the article please click here.
In the classic yoga text The Yoga Sutras of Patanjali, one key ethical principle is brahmacharya. This is usually translated as sexual abstinence. Yogic celibates take a vow not to engage in any sexual practice in thought, work and deed in order to redirect the powerful sexual life energy for spiritual purity rather than lose it through ejaculation. Yet there is another way. Katie Manitas of Jivamukti Yoga interprets brahmarchaya as not harming another through your sexual activities. Donna Fahri (Yoga Mind, Body & Spirit) translates the concept as an energy exchange or merging energies with God, “a kind of omnidimensional celebration of Eros in all forms”. Heart of Yoga’s Mark Whitwell asserts that life is about making use of desire, not suppressing it. In The Promise: Love, Sex & Intimacy, he teaches, “Your Seven-Minute Wonder: a gentle pranayama (breathing) exercise with simple asanas (postures), promising greater intimacy in all relationships, especially your sexual relationship, when performed daily for three months.” From this perspective, brahmarchya shows you how to use your sexual energy, making it a consciously joyful act. You can apply all other yamas and the niyamas to the key ethical concept in thought, word and deed. Apply:
• Ahimsa (non harming) through self acceptance and compassion in sex
• Satya (truthfulness) through honest communication of each other’s needs
• Astya (not stealing) by respecting someone’s sexual boundaries
• Shaucha (purity) through cleanliness and simplifying clutter, to allow the sacred to be felt.
• Santosha (contentment) in sex and sexual partners
• Tapas (burning enthusiasm) so sexual desire doesn’t wane, especially when career, children
or hobbies take over
• Swadhyaya (self study) as self reflective consciousness in sex
• Ishvarapranidhana (celebration of the spiritual) through devotion in lovemaking
You can take each of these ethical precepts separately and explore them deeply thought your
sexuality and sexual responses to life.
To find our how to connect with the dive self, tantric experts Kerry and Diane Riley have shared their experience and Knowledge. For more information click here.
To Read Diane’s Interview for the article please click here.
An authentic yoga practice of asana, pranayama and dhyana (meditation) can remove barriers that prevent you from connecting with your own divinity. Yoga is not about striving for an end goal or forcing yourself beyond what you are ready for; neither is a deeply satisfying spiritual-sexual experience with someone you love.
In yoga practice, if you surrender to the present moment, practice joyfully without judgment, challenge yourself safely and allow the breath to move you closer to knowing the universal self, you can move into lasting peace and happiness. Sex can do the same while providing an intimate and joyful connection with your partner (or yourself) as a divine human connection and expression of love.
When you approach sex with conscious awareness and become mindful in every moment, you let go of striving for sexual performance and instead become open and generous in the spirit of what you can offer each other. In this act of offering without expectation, you transcend cultural sexual dysfunction and allow the loving act of sex to become a yoga practice in itself, developing awareness, respect and intimacy.
Senior hatha yoga teacher Eve Grzybowski talks of the humility and devotion to the relationship a commitment to sexual union brings, particularly after an argument. Someone has to surrender, she days. A sexual relationship based on devotion, generosity and mental flexibility improves all other relationships in your life.
To increase your sex life/ drive to another level adapt yoga for sex to combine tantric techniques to become a better lover and partner.
To Read Diane’s Interview for the article please click here.
If you are not in a loving sexual relationship with another, you can still use these guidelines by yourself. Get to know your desires, likes and dislikes. Use the breath to fin intimacy with the self through asana and pranayama in preparation for a deeper sexual connection with a partner if/when the time comes.
Mark Whitwell says life is not about seeking enlightenment or something outside of yourself, but becoming intimate with the divine self that is already perfect within you. He says intimacy with another is not possible until you experience intimacy with your own life, “with your own body and breath”.
For information on Tantra for women and how to enjoy sex more as a woman click here.
To Read Diane’s Interview for the article please click here.
Katie Manitas of Jivamukti Yoga says kundalini yoga is often incorrectly thought of as sex yoga. Yogi Bhajan, the creator of kundalini yoga, emphasised monogamous relationships and deeper sexual commitment. He warned that any sexual relationship you have stays in your energetic body for the rest of your life, so choose your partners wisely.
Manitas explains that sexual problems, disorders or negative experiences can create a hole in your aura. In kundalini yoga, a master teacher can prescribe specific kriyas (sets of kundalini yoga postures) to heal this damage. Sex has the potential to either enhance or deplete our energy, depending on the intention and emotion behind the acts of intimacy.
Ayurveda recognises sex as an integral part of life (dinacharya). According to ayurveda, nourishing the sense organs in preparation for sex is important not only for intimacy but to satisfy and permeate consciousness. Ayurveda texts suggest flowers, soft silk clothing, sweet perfumes, light, nourishing food and sweet music.
Ayurveda believes excessive indulgence in sex dissipates the ojas (the living fluid of life found in the tissues of the body), weakening the immune system. Drinking homemade almond milk is recommended to promote strength and maintain sexual energy.
Kundalini is only one tool for a deeper intimate connection with your lover. For more sexual secrets for women and men read what experts in tantric sex have to say.
