See Video clips below
and fact sheet ‘about men and women’
About Men is a documentary series on SBS that explores the major life stages, transitions and experiences of boys and men living in Australia.
Third episcode on SBS of ‘about men’, “Getting of wisdom’ features Ron and his vivacious wife Gay, they speak with passion and humour about their love of each other and their passion! Which keeps them enjoying life to the full.
Ron and Gay invested time and energy into their relationship to keep their passion charged and explored tantric sexuality lessons with The Australian School of Tantra About men on SBS . Diane Riley introduced them to tantric skills to open emotional intimacy and also to tantric breathing and sexual meditation practices. Tantra – tantric sexuality has also been screened on Sixty minutes with couples exploring their romance and sexuality.
Tantra and Tantra courses for men an assist in so many sexuality and relationship areas.
‘Tantric Secrets for Men’, first published by Random House in Australia as ‘Sexual Secrets for Men’ was the subject of review by Vogue Magazine as seen below.
Tantric teacher and tantric educator Kerry Riley has talked to thousands of men about their relationships and sexuality concerns. Never before has so much information been collected abut the real issues of men in Sydney.
Tantra is becoming the new language of love for truck drivers, accountants, barristers and stay at home dads, Kerry has educated a diverse cross section of the community. Kerry says a recurring concern for modern man is how to love a woman better. ‘There must be more’ ‘lovemaking is not to just intercourse’, ‘how can I bring my partner more pleasure?’ ‘what an I do to learn more?’.
Tantra reduces the pressure of performance based sex, Tantric lovemaking is intended to be pleasurable. The pressure is now off orgasm, erection, orgasm but focused on heart felt love making. that is feeling love and pleasure in the genitals at the same time as the heart.
Tantric master Kerry Riley and his partner Diane Riley, have been married for 26 years, They have been living in Sydney and teaching Tantric Tantra seminars and course around Australia including Perth, Byron Bay, Melbourne and Sydney. Tantra offers a much wider repertoire or thinking about sexuality. Tantra is an attitude which enhances pleasure and connection on every level.
Tantric secrets for men is a best seller and will remain a significant book in the tantra education area for years to come.
Tantric sex practices offer a variety of sexual styles, from the dynamic fast, often a form of the quickie, to the slow and sensual. Tantra encourages tantric lovers to expand their lovemaking and ask lovers to dialogue with each other and include new ways of lovemaking. The Sydney Australian interviewed Kerry and Diane Riley, founders of the Australian School of Tantra, in Sydney, about tantric sexuality in their issue “In Praise of Slow’ which is a world trend to find more enjoyment and peace in our frantic lives by consciously slowing down everyday tasks like cooking – slow cooking- and of course sex. Slow sex, imagine hours of sensual slow pleasure! Some would say yes!!! Others may think, it may be boring after 10 minutes. However tantra offers lovers many tantric skills and techniques to expand loving pleasure to become one of the richest sexual experience. Outlined below is a tantric practice, Karenza, add it to your tantric skills.
Do you feel in a hurry?
Slow Sex –
‘Keep attentive on the fire at the beginning and so continuing to avoid the embers at the end.’ Osho
Slowing down deepens connection Increases your capacity to love and be loved Focus on your breath, this keeps you in the moment.
More on Slow Sex
Try being together in genital contact where there is no movement for fifteen to twenty minutes. Move only if the erection should slacken. The emphasis is on connecting lovingly; the mood is warm and tender. The trick here is to keep focusing your mind on the pleasure and, to feel this; there is no necessity to move. This method of lovemaking is sometimes called Karenza , which is an Italian word meaning caress. In Karenza, you are making love without an expectation, other than enjoyment, sharing and loving. The pressure for orgasm does not dictate the pace or the outcome of the lovemaking.
New Dehli Weekend Times, Aug- Sept 2011
Living Now. September issue 2005….
Many women sense that their sexuality is much more expansive and powerful than they or their partners may be prepared to acknowledge or explore. Perhaps we are hesitant to do so because we are not quite sure where this will take us. Yet some of us have had a glimpse of a sacred sexual experience and know there is more. Increasingly women and men want to explore the sacred aspects of sex and relationship to discover ways that sexual loving can open the doors of enlightment for their beloved and themselves.
West Australian May 07
‘Spending just a few minutes each day with your partner can help revive a flagging sex drive and improve your relationship.
Australian School of Tantra, director Diane Riley helps Perth couples to reconnect through Tantra.
Learning Tantra can help renew passion and connection in a relationship, teach couples to focus on lovemaking rather than having sex and explain how to reduce the stress in relationships.
Diane Riley urges her clients to practice a ritual she calls daily devotion, where partners take five minutes out together in a sexual way without any movement, expectations or orgasm.
‘You hold each other in sexual embrace with no movement- heart to heart, just holding each other, with synchronized breathing. Then you will feel very close to your partner- women feel emotionally nurtured, men feel sexually nurtured. Do this for five days in a row and it’ll help your libidos become balanced.’
By Maya Anderson copyright West Australian May 07
What is Tantric sex?
Tantra is a spiritual science from ancient India and in its basic essence, very similar to Taoism from China. Both involve balancing the male and female energies to create harmony and have an ultimate goal of unity or spiritual ecstasy, known as enlightenment. Tantra encourages one to explore every aspect of life. So obviously the study of sexuality was included, not only included but in fact revered.
Tantric sexuality making love was seen as a gift to God. So there was no repression or guilt attached to sex. It taught that when a man approaches his beloved he should have a sacred feeling as if he were going into a temple. The art of sexual love was the noblest of arts to study. As a young person in ancient India you could go to the sacred temples and be taught lovemaking secrets by Dakas and Dakinis, the priests and priestesses of love. The study of sexuality in the west is very new, whereas relics of Tantric rituals date back nearly five thousand years. So there is an incredible
Why does making sex sacred improve it?
Part of sacred sex is being in the present moment, more and more people know that being in the present moment is the ‘now ‘ is a spiritual state, and that enhances everything in life so if we can experience sexuality – the methods of tantra that we teach can assist to get into the present. So just focusing on the breath is powerful to bring your focus to a state of beingness- with no other thou
How do you make a sacred time and space for sex?
To do something in daily life, such as ‘Daily devotion’ which is an ancient Chinese Taoist practice that we were introduced to by Dr Stephen Chang. Kerry and I write about it on both our books- ‘Sexual secrets for men” from a man’s perspective and in my book ‘sexy and sacred, sexual secrets for women’ from a women’s perspective.
What are some of the benefits for couples of practicing tantric sex?
Tantric lovemaking can add to the ways you make love in 3 major areas:
Firstly: It gives you ways to reach heightened states of ecstasy and pleasure beyond the realms of normal sex;
Secondly: It teaches you ways to open to more love so that your heart opens even more to your partner and you remember how great it feels to be deeply, passionately “in love.”
Thirdly it teaches Sacred Sex- ways to transform your lovemaking into a sacred experience which will touch you on every level of your being, body, heart and soul
What’s involved in a tantric sex workshop?
After teaching workshop for 20 years we have trained tantric teachers who have lessons for individuals and for couples.
Sessions are very respectful of individual needs and circumstance.
Session 1 comprises of 90 minutes of training in tantric breath work, creating a sacred space, pelvic control, Yabyum postures, daily devotion & tantric heart connection techniques.
Can a single person learn about tantric sex and use it, even if they have no steady partner? What’s the benefit for a single?
Single men learn skills to ejaculation control = pc muscle- and spread sexual energy throughout their body-
Women can learn skills to enhance and deepen their pleasure. Thereby keeping sensuality alive in their lives and keeping their deep feminine core alive and attractive.
We are all sexual beings from birth, whether we are sexual or not.
Many times in people’s lives they do not have a regular sexual partner. And may not have intercourse. However learning how to enhance your own pleasure is great for wellbeing
Diane you’ve written a book, Sexy and Sacred, for women to learn to nurture their sacred sexiness within – what stops women from feeling sexual and sexy and what can she do to enhance her sexuality?
These exercises are also beneficial for women to extend their orgasmic response, taking more pleasure for herself and to give more pleasure to her partner. The P.C. muscle is the major muscle of contraction in both sexes for orgasm, so strengthening it increases sensations of pleasure. PC muscle is great for sexual wellbeing a increasing their orgasmic pleasure
You’ve also both co-authored the internationally successful book, Sexual Secrets for Men – What Every Woman would want her man to know…. so what are some of the secrets?
What’s your number one piece of advice when it comes to love and sex for my listeners?
Keep sex high priority whatever their age, for younger people as well as couples who have been together for a longer time.
As seen on SBS.com.au
Diane and her partner Kerry Riley have been married 29 years and are Australia’s leaders in Tantra and sexual well being. Diane runs a private consultancy for couples and singles, assisting with education and issues of sacred sexuality and relationships, communication, and men’s and women’s sexual wellness. The Australian School of Tantra’s book ‘Sexual Secrets for Men: What every woman would want her man to know’, and DVD ‘The Secrets of Sacred Sex’ are internationally acclaimed.
How important is sexuality in our lives and what role does it play?
Sexuality is an integral part of our lives, it provides dynamic energy. It touches and inspires every aspect of life and affects us emotionally, physically and spiritually. We can learn to develop and enhance our experience of sexuality to create more love in our lives.
What is the philosophy behind Tantric sex?
Tantra emphasizes that we deserve all the love and sexual pleasure we can possibly receive; that sexual loving is a way to reach the mysteries of the heart, the soul, within each person. It also teaches that sex is a way of bonding with a lover physically, emotionally and spiritually to create feelings of ecstatic pleasure, deep intimacy and feelings of connectedness.
What happens to a man’s sexuality as he grows older?
It’s natural for many men to experience changes in their sexuality with age. Some may be concerned about sustaining potency, virility or have health or personal issues that impact on their sexuality and performance.
How challenging can it be for men to acknowledge these changes?
Many men report they don’t want this area of their life to be over while others feel they are too old and say they can’t do anything about it. A lot of men are challenged and don’t have the education around what they can do to sustain sexual well being into their older years.
How can tantric sex help men improve their sexuality?
Contemporary tantra can assist men in a modern relationship in simple and profound way. Sacred sexuality and tantra can give us a few lessons on opening up to love with a partner on all levels – body, heart and soul. The magic of love and connection can be helped along. We are never too old for openness, wonder and playfulness to ignite our senses on all levels and bring us the benefits of a potent aphrodisiac. Tantra provides skills for potency and ejaculation control.
What is the PC muscle and how can it help men?
Specific tantric skills are very helpful in enhancing erection strength and ejaculation mastery! A practice to help with control is strengthening the pubococcygeal (PC) muscle. One way to locate this muscle is to try and stop the flow during urination by contracting the pelvic floor. If you can do that then you have found the muscle. It is taught in many texts that if a man contracts this muscle before ejaculation it will stop it. However if it’s not done correctly it doesn’t work. A common error that is made is trying to do it just before ejaculation; if you do it at 90 per cent and you haven’t practiced enough it won’t work and may even cause you to ejaculate. It’s best to do it in stages at 20%, at 30%, at 50%, at 75% and then 90%. If you experience prostate difficulties consult your doctor first.
What is your attitude to drugs such as Viagra?
These medications can increase performance but not necessarily desire, for him or his partner. Erection strength is only one ingredient. And the drug doesn’t necessarily help him with ejaculation control, although he may stay hard after ejaculation the passion and intimacy are gone. For some men these drugs may pose a health risk. In addition to the potential side effects the ancient Chinese believed that as a man’s life force diminishes, so does a man’s ability to get erections. This is the body’s natural protective mechanism to save him from over-ejaculating and losing more energy. By chemically inducing an erection most men then force themselves to ejaculate even though they don’t feel like it. The Taoists say this puts tremendous strain on the whole body and affects health and life expectancy.
Is there too much focus on performance rather than pleasure?
Too often, lovemaking is measured against orgasmic response. That is, the quicker and more often you come, the better! Orgasm takes precedence over pleasure. As a result so many facets of sensuous experience are overlooked. If we can learn to relax and enjoy pleasure it can encompass so much more for ourselves and our partners, that is the main goal of lovemaking or sexual loving.
How can tantric sex help men improve the quality of their relationships?
While making love, a great question to ask yourself is ‘How much love am I feeling while making love? ’ Men are more conscious about getting a result … good sex and orgasm… than how much love they are feeling in their heart. Tantra education may be good for him to learn how to connect sex and heart feelings.
Can you suggest a daily ritual that couples can do to help them feel connected?
A great practice for couples to try is to occasionally make eye contact during love making – it’s common to shut our eyes to loose ourselves in the feeling. That’s perfectly fine however ‘the eyes are the window to the soul’ and often we are not present with our lover and truly feeling the intimacy. It can feel quite awkward at first for some, but if you want to be an intimate loving couple, totally present and fully opened to each other, then try allowing yourself to be seen by you partner.
A practice anyone can try before sex or at another time is to sit opposite your partner, hold hands and shut your eyes for a few minutes and think about some of the things you enjoy about one another. We often spend a lot of energy inwardly complaining about the things that annoy us or we want to change about the other. So for five minutes, let go of that, open your eyes and take turns in telling each other ten things you appreciate about your partner. When one person says something, the other simply says ‘thank you’ and doesn’t comment. Just accept and enjoy. At the end have a hug and don’t discuss it further. Do something together, like taking a walk or simply share a cup of tea. Sounds too simple… but try it and see the effect for yourself. Theory is knowing it, practice is living it!
Five sexuality/relationship tips for older men
1. Strengthen the pubococcygeal (PC) muscle.
2. Connect sex and heart feelings.
3. Remember ‘it’s better to give a woman a little of what she wants rather than a lot of what you think she wants.’
4. Recognize the importance of ‘warming her waters’, eg. not just foreplay but lots of it with loveplay. Eg. stroking her body, finding those pleasure areas behind her knees, neck, ear lobes.
5. Be inventive not only with sex but in the ways you tell her you love her and appreciate her. Tell her five things you love about her/him!
Tantra sex can produce heat and therefore sweat. Sweat, after all is a natural body fluid and as tantra teaches ‘the body is our temple’ and all that is of the body is sacred! Even sweat!
Tantric sweat is attractive! You can influence the smell of sweat so that it is not a turn off, but a tantric turn on!
How can I do this? Many students ask me, and you may know you are what you eat and this especially applies to your sweat. Eat meat and more meat and processed sugary foods and you get foul sweat. Eat vegetables, grains and lots of fragrant herbs and your tantric sweat will be delicious!’
‘For women there’s nothing like the smell of a man’s sweat. Androstadienone is a male chemical signal found concentrated in men’s sweat. Researchers measured levels of the hormone cortisol in the saliva of females after they took 20 sniffs from a jar of androstadienone. Cortisol is secreted by the body to help maintain proper arousal and sense of well-being, respond to stress and other functions. Cortisol levels in the women who smelled androstadienone shot up within roughly 15 minutes and stayed elevated for up to an hour. Consistent with previous research, the women also reported improved mood, higher sexual arousal, and had increased blood pressure, heart rate and breathing.
For comparison’s sake, women also smelled baking yeast, which did not trigger the same effects. So forget your high priced cologne guys, turn up to your next date with a nice sweat going and just let the rest happen.’
Source: Journal of Neuroscience
Tantric lovers take note ! Tantric lovers will bath together or better still lovingly bath each other to ready themselves for tantric sweaty love. Drink peppermint tea, eat lemongrass and Thai basil in your food for a week or two and notice the difference.
Diane Riley 2008
Copyright 2005. Spectra 2000 P/L
Tantra lessons throughout Australia, sydney/Melbourne/Byron Bay/ Brisbane/Perth Australian School of Tantra 0404 468618
Tantra Sex workshops and lessons include many tantric lovemaking skills.
Tantra connection 1
Eyes wide open
Most people shut their eyes while making love and enter their own space. Of course, it can be really nice. But, to feel more love, it helps to look into your partner’s eyes. Your eyes are the windows to your soul. Look into your partner’s eyes as he gazes into yours — tell each other how much you enjoy and love one another, how precious they are to you. This is the second thing you can do to create more heartfelt feelings while making love; talk to your partner, share your innermost feelings of love.
Men, especially, find it difficult to get the feelings of love during lovemaking because all of their energy gets caught in their genitals. It’s easy for men to feel sensation in their penis: the challenge becomes getting that sensation in their heart as well, so that the heat of their genitals resonates with the warmth in their heart. This is the difference between a good lover and an extraordinary lover.
Tantra sex teacher Kerry wisely advises men in his Sexual Secrets for Men‘it’s not the number of strokes you can do with your lingam but how much love you can send with your ‘wand of light’ that makes the difference.’ You can help your man to learn this skill by practising the things I have suggested in this chapter.
However, as some men find the intimacy exercise extremely confronting, here is a practice that will give him this skill physically without having do the ‘other’ exercises. Most men we have surveyed find this the most enjoyable and easiest to do.
Tantric connection 2
Have him lie down on his back as you sit between his legs. Then, pleasure his lingam (you could use some of the magic strokes already suggested), or give him oral sex until he is fully erect and charged with energy. Have him open his eyes, then put one hand over his lingam and the other hand on his heart centre. Make eye contact, talk to him and tell him you love him. This helps to connect the pleasure and passion he feels in his genitals to the warmth in his heart and intensifies his feeling of love for you.
Also try running your palm from his genitals along to his heart centre then through to his shoulders and down to his hands. Do this in long, sweeping strokes, one hand after the other, for five or six strokes. Breathe in deeply as you stroke up to his heart and breathe out as you take it down his arms.
Ask him to follow your breathing — this helps to lift the sexual energy away from the genitals to the heart and upper body. You can also use a sweeping stroke down his thighs. Your hands can help create pathways, not only for the energy to flow to his heart and upper body, but also through his lower body and feet. Once a man develops this connection with his heart, then during lovemaking, all you need do is simply reach out and touch his heart centre. It will act as a reminder for him to get in touch with his love, not just his performance.
Copy right 2004 Diane Riley Australian School of Tantra Sydney / Perth / Melbourne