Many people, men and women ask me, ‘How can I give my lover the best pleasure, the most delicious pleasure ever?’
Whether lovers are new, or committed, young or older, or heterosexual or same gender, where do you start?
I suggest exploring methods and kinds various of pleasure sessions.
Learn more about the Art of Pleasure at the August LoveWorks Tantra teacher training
In the initial stages of most relationships when men and women meet and fall in love, there is lots of love and energy and intimacy, lots of lovemaking and lots of passion. Then, after a period of time many couples lose it. The Hite Report states that eighty five percent of women say that after two years of being in a relationship or marriage they love their husbands but they are no longer ‘in love’ with them. Some couples will say to Diane and me: ‘We still have sex, our passion still comes up occasionally, but it seems to have lost its sizzle, it’s lost its juice. The intimacy and the opening that we used to feel in our hearts when we first met isn’t really there any more. We’re not in love like we used to be.’
There is a school of thought that believes: ‘Well that’s natural, that’s what happens.’ It is natural and it is what happens unless couples consciously choose to continue to create love and passion in their relationships. This is possible, but it requires a decision that this is something that you dearly want in your lives, something that you treasure, something that you believe will give you more from life than anything else.
The path of relationship as one of the quickest paths to personal growth and fulfilment physically, emotionally, spiritually and sexually. Relationship can be a path through which we get a tangible experience of love. For this reason if you decide to put a lot of energy, care and attention into it so that you experience more love in this lifetime. We know that at the end of our lives what will count more than anything else will be how much we loved.
Above everything else, we all want love. We can go through life and gain a lot of things materially and socially, but if we miss out on love then we will have missed the most important thing in life. The woman with whom you have chosen to live your life your beloved is the one you have allowed to get closest to you, and through her you have the potential to feel even more love in this lifetime. A lot of couples make a common error. They put more energy into their career, their family, their sport and their interests than into their relationship. They expect their relationship will progress satisfactorily while they get on with these so-called much more important things. They do not realise that by supporting and nurturing their primary relationship, they will be able to enhance and give more energy and creativity to all these other pursuits and relationships.
Treat your relationship with your beloved as a wonderful gift and see it as a generator of creativity, providing energy for everything else that you want to do.
In other words, make an agreement to treat your relationship as high priority and put in the energy necessary to support that decision.
The truth is that no matter how much we want our relationships to run smoothly, disharmony still occurs. We get out of sync with our partner. We have disagreements, we argue and sometimes we get angry and hurt and say things to our partner that we wouldn’t say to our worst enemy.
What can we do about disharmony? First we need to have the right attitude. If we have the attitude that conflict should not occur, then we are always going to be under stress. Conflict is a part of growth and does occur in a healthy relationship. Very often the closer we get to our beloved, the more conflicts arise, so we need to develop the attitude, as we confront uncomfortable situations together, that although it can be painful, it is an opportunity to grow closer together.
Many people have the attitude that a good relationship must always be smooth and controlled, so they are unhappy and disappointed with their marriage when it doesn’t happen like that. They spend a lot of energy covering up the disharmony from others and they cover it up from each other until it gets out of control, and then the whole relationship explodes. So the first thing to have in your relationship is the understanding that disharmony is part of a healthy relationship, that it’s natural. Loving couples strive for the joy of becoming closer and closer together. They want union, but along with union comes dependence which can make a man feel that he is allowing a woman to hold power over him. Men don’t want to have to depend on women; to some men this dependence threatens their sense of masculinity and they resent it. Many women also resent feeling dependent on men and this creates an ongoing struggle for power and independence.
That is why lovers will always go on fighting. The fight is simply a way to show each other they are still independent. We fight and feel like separating sometimes, but it’s not too long before we start wanting to make up, wanting to be held again, because the moment we start separating from our beloved we feel a need for the union. We miss the warmth, we miss the love, we miss the sex, we miss the feeling of union, we feel lonely and so do our partners. So we strive to create union again, and the struggle goes on. Part of us wants to be interdependent while the other part wants independence. It is important not to blame each other because this is something that happens between male and female energies. Don’t take it personally and don’t hurt the other for doing what is part of the man-woman relationship game.
Joys and hurts are part and parcel of falling in love. The secret is to see them as a natural part of a relationship the key is to nurture relationship to keep it healthy and respectful…
There is a well known teaching that says: ‘In order to go forward you must first contract.’ The metaphor is that of a bow and arrow. In order for the arrow to move forward, you must first pull back against the bow. This is like a couple who pull away from each other, contract from each other as tension builds up, then when it is released they move further forward in their relationship. A master archer knows to let go of the arrow as soon as the contraction is complete and his aim is taken. We need to become master archers in our relationships. Lets all be a little bit kinder, and if you can … take a moment … to check …in with yourself to be passionate, present and respectful.
My Mum teaches Tantra!
What did you say, when young adults, to the question ‘What does you mum do?’.
Apart form all the regular answers of what mums do for their families? Many may ask, ‘Does she work?
My daughters would say ‘She teachers tantra?”, and remember this was quite a few years ago.
Responses varied…’What?’ ‘What is Tantra?’ ‘Did you say tantrum?’
Then curious friends quizzed further.. “Are your parents Por. no stars?’ or are they like the Fockers?
and lots of other question ensued. They answered mum talks about Aphrodite and Venus ‘ the Greek and Roman goddesses ‘ of love.
Not only the some friends but then many of their parents!!
Talking about positive physical intimacy was and still carries stigma!
To the credit of my beloved , then as older teenage children, now adults they have been very supportive,
and in fact occasionally assist with workshops and events that support about healthy ways to support love and passion in
adult life and in relationships. About experiencing a heart felt connections with the one you love.
So many of the couples I have coached over the years say to me ‘this has been a game changer’,
‘these perspectives and skills I’ve put into place and are so very helpful, I wish I knew this when I was young’.
How do we keep passion, presence and love alive. How do we continue to sustain and thrive in love,
while doing the dishes, making the bed, paying the bills, going to work, having a family, being in the community in a way that we can make a positive difference?
These are vital questions?
Maybe …We are so intentional with business, making money, superannuation, saving, planning social and business events. I have found being intentional with love, with appreciation, with kindness, even if its twice a day. 5 mins twice a day! Can make a difference to my mind set as well as those close to me.
Tantra Love is about expanding and deepening our life. Tantra is deepening connections to love, and our flow of love inwardly and outwardly. Tantra love encourages presence and conscious relating. Tantra love combines soulfulness, relationship and sexuality , and is a guide to live life passionately, with love and with presence.
Living with a tantric intention offers us opportunities to see ourselves, ( as we really are: the good, the bad and the ugly) so we can honour our imperfections, forgive ourselves and others and nurture and expand into our ‘higher Better versions of our selves’.
Australian School of Tantra offers Teacher Training plus Couples and Individual Coaching.
ABSORBING SHAKTI ENERGY
One of the least understood Tantric Secrets for Men is absorption of shakti energy, come along to the LoveWorks Tantra teacher training in Feb yet it is a subtle energy that you can pick up any time you are in the presence of a woman who is sexually aroused. Men may feel it but they don’t know what it is and have no idea how it can benefit them. If you are consciously aware of what shakti energy is, then that consciousness determines how you will use it. If you drink deeply of its energy, you will gain power.
… A conscious lover, aware of the power of the shakti energy, will drink deeply of that energy whenever he is in its presence. You should be especially aware at the point of orgasm because the room will fill with this magic energy. Look at your woman. Look how vital, and glowing she appears, flushed with the hormones, the energy, the juices that run through her body that can charge and empower you, fill you with creativity and energy. As she orgasms, breathe in deeply and absorb as much of the shakti as you can, then as you breathe out, imagine you are sending the energy back to her.
During orgasm the woman’s shakti energy is totally awakened, so use this time to tell her things that support her and her sexuality. At the point of orgasm or around that time, the woman is totally open to receiving imprints, things that you say to her. Never say anything that puts her down or makes her feel bad after orgasm because she is very open then. Utilise the time for healing. Say something about your love for her, how close you feel to her. Or use it as a time to override old patterns that she may have about the shape of her body or her sexual response.
Very often in day-to-day life your partner won’t really hear it when you say ‘I love your body,’ ‘I love your breasts’ or ‘I love the way you look.’ But in this open psychic state she has no choice. It will sink deeply into her subconscious and she will absorb it. So you can use this as a valuable healing time for your relationship.
It’s a great time to give your partner some positive conditioning in the area of her sexual loving. In ancient India women were taught positive connection with their sexuality. They were taught that with the shakti energy they could create harmony in themselves, in their family and in the world. Her subconscious may be impregnated with negative experiences, imprints that other men may have given her. Maybe she spent time with a man who never understood her sexually, just pounded away until he ejaculated. This builds up negative imprinting about sexuality and men in general. The point of her orgasm provides a great opportunity to heal some of this. In this way you are absorbing the shakti energy and sending energy back to her.
Extract from Sexual Secrets for Men p 172
When you learn tantric massage it has the potential for you to give your man more pleasure
than he has ever experienced before. He may have had a massage before,
but not like the one you are about to give him. Traditional masseurs avoid
our most pleasurable parts, but as a beloved you can learn tantric massage. But this time, the focus is on the whole of the
body and his wand of light is definitely part of that.
When you learn tantric massage your partner is going to love the experience. It will help shift the focus of his sexual experience from purely genital to an overall feeling of bliss on many levels. Not only will it be sensational for your partner, you will also thoroughly enjoy giving it. It will open you up to new experiences
because it will give you a sense of power. You will be orchestrating his
pleasure and initiating him into new areas of sexuality.
In ancient times, Aphrodite’s priestesses would welcome men
home from the ravages of war and, through similar practices, heal their
trauma and renew them, preparing them to re-enter civilised society once
more.When you learn tantric massage it helps charging in physical energy which
rushes pulsing through the body and revitalizes heart and mind.
First, set your bedroom ambiance: music, lighting, temperature and
refreshments. Be sure to reserve this time for his pleasure; let him relax; he
doesn’t have to do anything except receive your attention and your love.
For many men, to hear that all they need to do is to enjoy their woman’s
loving attention is a dream come true!
Chose your clothing as in supporting you being an ‘initiator’. For some
women, this can mean lacy underwear, for others it could be transparent
scarves and beads, for others still, maybe black leather.
Have massage oils prepared, a towel, warm water and, if you have one, a
massage table. Check to see you have everything ready so that you don’t
have to be distracted or keep getting up to find something.
After you learn tantric massage prepare your partner. Perhaps scrub his back in the bath and towel him
down. You could offer him his favourite food or drink and provide some…
From ‘Sexy and Sacred, sexual secrets for women’.. by Diane Riley
Slow Sex! Slow down…!!!!!!! yum… why be in such a hurry ??? Slow Sex and sacred sex | Are you in a Hurry | Are you feeling Rushed ? Why go too fast slow down and enjoy what you are rushing away from ? Are you focused on ‘cumming’, on doing it good, on doing it right ? Right for who ? for yourself, getting to the glorious destination! letting him or her know you are super sexy. Perhaps you’re on fast bullet train but you arrive too early!
Slow Sex : take a breath or two together, take a chance and feel the love from touch, scent, taste, sound, sight.
Take a risk and slow down, meet your partners gaze, open your eyes and say i love you, I love your scent!!! I love your taste !!! I love your touch and the feel of you… I love the sound of you!!! feel the connection, the melting of boundaries, are you ready not to go fasted but to explore deeper and wider, Tantra calls it expansion!! expansion beyond self, beyond the ordinary, and into each other, expansion beyond’ ‘me’ and ‘other’ into the unknown of ‘us’ and this is the unknown.. the adventure.
Many people ask me how to do this…??? May practice being ‘slow’ taking a slow walk, eating your breakfast or dinner and chewing each mouthful 50 times…
You may not have the time for this as you have so many things to do…Work, children, friends, DEVICES! However what is more important than sharing love and pleasures with your lover ?
For a start try a practice I call
Move your thoughts to something you like, lose yourself in that sensation, breathe in and imagine your whole body as an extension of that pleasure. Imagine your enjoyment is going into every cell of your body. Think of moments of the “pleasure” being like droplets of water being absorbed by your entire body. I call this drinking deeply of the experience…
Interview on ‘The Living Room’
Australian School of Tantra, established in 1987.
‘Our vision is to facilitate access to the theories and practices of contemporary Tantra, including, relationship connection and sacred sexuality to enhance harmony, fulfilment and transformation for individual and couples.”
The Australian School of Tantra has professional accredited educators offering LoveWorks Couples Coaching Sessions around Australia, available in Sydney, Melbourne, Perth, Byron Bay, New Castle, Nowra and Bega.
About Traditional Tantra
‘Tantra’ means to expand, to be free, to be liberated.
Tantra is a spiritual science from ancient India and in its basic essence is very similar to Taoism from China. Both involve balancing the male and female energies to create harmony and both have an ultimate goal of spiritual unity with the universe or the source or God, (the God within, as opposed to God being separate from us).
The Tantric interplay of the male and female energies was represented in Hindu mythology with Shakti and Shiva, and represented in Taoism with yin and yang. Both Tantra and Taoism aimed to create union of body, mind and spirit. And in both, sexuality was seen and practised in a spiritual context.
It is said that Tantra is the oldest single source of knowledge concerning the energies of the mind, body and spirit. It is the origin and essence of today’s popular studies and practices of Eastern philosophies, including yoga, martial arts, tai chi and the grand philosophies of the Buddha, Confucius and Lau Tzu.
Contemporary Tantra and the LoveWorks Lessons
These sessions draw on contemporary sex research, the traditions of sacred sexuality, effective relationship theory, various personal development and body wellness practices and are about exploring ways to bring more love and intimacy into how you connect with your partner. They are about feeling more connected to yourself in ‘body, heart and soul’ and more connected with each other in ‘body, heart and soul’.
You are guided into how to bring more soulfulness, joy, love and a rich sense of pleasure into your intimacy together in a way that suits you both.
Whether you are so busy with life and kids and work that you suddenly see that you must do something for the two of you as a couple, apart from family, these sessions can open you to a new way of being together.
These lessons are also beneficial in a new relationship and want to start on the right foot, or have been together for many years and want to enrich or renew the connection between you. They are paced in a way to suit you both and are a gift in themselves, a lovely thing to do together, apart from what you will learn and will be able to bring into your life.
They are usually about one and a half hours long. They are very respectful and honouring, inviting a sense of the sacred into your relationship.
Common motivations why people want to find out about Tantra
Laura: Tantric Educator
Laura has been facilitating LoveWorks Tantra couples sessions in Sydney for five years after studying with the Australian School of Tantra. Laura skilfully guides couples through a series of four LoveWorks tantric lessons for couples. During the couples lessons Laura can also teach massage for couples. She also teaches the Loveworks program to singles.
Tantric Tips to enhance relationships,
Frequently Asked Questions
The sessions are conducted in a casual professional setting; our practitioners are sensitive to the needs of both partners. The sessions are non-confrontational, clothed and tailored to your individual needs as a couple. The sessions are conducted fully clothed. The LoveWorks will give you some theory and then guide you through some of the key practices, some of which you will practise at home.
Practitioners see young couples who have only been together for a couple of months as well as couples who have been married for many years and are much older. LoveWorks Tantra benefits couples of any age group, and stage of relationship.
Yes, the principles of Tantra are universal.
Simple keys to nurture relationship
It’s about creating and sustaining harmony and passion, whether you are new in relationship or juggling family life, relationship and career.
See the interview below
What are some causes of poor libido?
Stress, sickness, small children, pregnancy, menopause, tiredness, emotional upset, all sorts of reasons why libido gets out of sync.
How can a partner’s poor libido affect a relationship?
Yes and difference in libido can be challenging for the other partner. Particularly if it is an extended time. Partners can feel pressured for sex and the other can feel neglected or abandoned. Lovers do need other ways of connecting with their partner and to harmonize libido.
How can people remedy a poor libido?
I teach a wonderful practice called ‘daily devotion’, based on an ancient Taoist exercise, where the couples take up to 5 minutes each day to connect in a gentle and loving way. First thing in the morning or last thing at night. they harmonize their breathing, to take then into presence and into the moment where, nothing else exists (- no demands of the day) and remain in an loving gentle embrace for up to 5 minutes, there is no expectation, no talking just being together for 5 mins. This time is for the lovers to take time out for busy life and relax in each other’s arms, harmonizing hearts and having bodies close. Such a practice enriched relationship, deepens trust and intimacy and libido!
To describe it to someone who does not know what it is what is tantric sex?
One of the meanings of Tantra is ‘Expand’ or ‘weave together’. Tantric sex includes expanding the ways you make love; it includes practices for heighten sexual experience , but is also about exploring intimacy creating deeper more intimate connection with you partner and importantly being able to be present, in the moment, not focusing on performance. It is about pleasure, about connection and enriching love.
How can learning tantric sex help a couple experiencing relationship problems?
Tantric lovemaking practices enhances sexual experiences for both partners, physically, emotionally and spiritually. It can be incorporated into anyone’s love life, for the young and and newly in love as well as for partners who need to revitalize their connection and deepen emotional and physical intimacy.
What advice would you give a couple that continually fights?
couples who fight continually perhaps need time out to re access what is important in their life – Ask themselves the question ‘is it more important being right every time there is a fight, Perhaps they could ask themselves to take a step back and really see what is happening here? Many couples are unaware of their habitual bonded patterns of interaction that are laid down over the course of relationship and unfortunately are locked in continual conflict and blame their partner for every perceived difficulty. In sacred sexuality another way is to choose love and to choose to healthy non blame ways to communicate with each other.
What are some tips for achieving good communication?
To improve communication starts by finding things that you appreciate about your own life, your partner and your situation. It can be a shift in perspective and awareness to notice and look for, your partner doing something right and to tell them how much you appreciate them. Couples can improve their relationship by affirming their partners instead of taking them for granted. Often at the beginning of relationships we feel great about our partners and naturally say things like this, but as relationship mature we often start inwardly demanding more and more from them, and some of these demands more about what we want to make ourselves happy, not necessarily what our partners need or want to do, rather than a reasonable request that is for the enhancement of loving relationship.
What is the best way to introduce you by job title/training in the article?
Diane riley director of the Australian School of Tantra and author of the new release ‘Sexy and Sacred, sexual secrets for women’ book and web site is for women of all ages and their lovers who and curious about what tantra, tantric sex, tantra perspectives and the many great traditions of sacred sexuality can offer to add to the quality of their lives and well being.