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Lingam, what is the meaning in the 21st Century?
In western tantra ‘ Lingam’ is referring to the male ‘wand of light’,
Does this have any reference to modern day lovers who practice ‘lingam honouring’ or ‘lingam massage’ ??
First lets look at what has been written, Subhamoy Das is a former journalist and communications professional based in India.
In the post-Vedic period, the Linga became symbolical of the generative power of Lord Shiva.
However Early Hinduism talks of it is only the outward symbol of the formless being.
Linga signifies that the creation is effected by the union of ‘Prakriti’ and ‘Purusha,’ the male and the female powers of Nature. Linga also signifies ‘Satya,’ ‘Jnana’ and ‘Ananta’ – Truth, knowledge, and Infinity.
Lord Shiva, who is the undying soul seated in the chambers of your heart, who is your in-dweller, your innermost self or ‘Atman,’ and who is identical with the supreme ‘Brahman.’
The Linga Purana’s ideas incorporate, states Stella Kramrisch, those of the Samkhya school of Hindu philosophy.The chapter 1.17 of the Linga Purana introduces Linga as Pradhana or Prakriti (cosmic substance), while Shiva is described as Lingin, or one with this “subtle body”. Linga is presented by the text as an abstract concept, contrasted with Alinga (Vyakta), along with its phallic significance and sexual truth in nature’s process of life creation.
The verses of Linga Purana, states Kramrisch, presents Linga as an an iconic symbol of both the matter and the spirit, the Prakriti and the Purusha, whereby the “powers of creation, liberation and annihilation” are symbolized by the icon.
Find out more how knowing about Lingam in a modern day tantric context can bring more passion and union to your relationship.
Being a good lover isn’t easy. With more freedom, knowledge and body awareness, today’s woman knows better than to settle for predictable, performance based sex. ‘Sexual Secrets for Men’ provides everything a man needs to know to satisfy a woman’s physical, emotional and spiritual yearnings in a sexual relationship-and how to bring him to new heights of ecstasy in the process.
Learn about your magic in your LINGAM!
~ Living the Dance: using Arts Therapies to Enhance our Lives ~
Next event: Women’s Weekend Workshop
Moving Menopause: Enhancing the Journey
~ An open and heartful enquiry into the passage of menopause ~
Utilising a range of modalities such as naturally expressive movement and dance, pastels, clay, writing, body-sense and mindfulness skills.
Saturday 17th and Sunday 18th October 2015
with Satyo Cate Sullivan at Leela Cottage, Robertson, Southern Highlands
Menopause is often a taboo topic or something to be dreaded and endured. There is much more to it than that. This workshop is about embracing menopause as a richly meaningful part of our lives, going beyond the myths and exploring its possibilities as a time of transformation. Amidst the sometimes tumultuous changes new potentials can be born. This weekend is for all women – younger women, those approaching, in the midst of, and those moving, or who have moved, beyond menopause.
More fully embracing and celebrating this life’s passage:
v Enquire into themes such as: Meaning and significance of this phase of life for you ~~ Completions and Openings ~~ Self-care ~~ The nitty gritty and the good bits ~~ A time in life for YOU ~~ Opportunities to release, renew, bring forth ~~ Sexuality ~~ Fresh beginnings ~~ What is important now? ~~
v Experience: A reshaping of the concept of menopause ~~ A deepening sense of what being in the feminine is about ~~ A weekend of being richly companioned ~~ Creative and rewarding explorations ~~ A gathering of wisdom ~~ Time out and space for you ~~
v Take away with you: A new valuing of this part of your life’s journey ~~ Your own wiser understandings ~~ An enhanced sense of who you are as a woman at this time of life ~~
“I have been facilitating women’s retreats and courses for 25 years. Words that might describe how they can be are….meaningful, joyous, potent, deep, transformative, nurturing, inspiring, rich, moving, fun, belonging, supportive……Something special happens when a group of women come together in this way to explore a significant theme about our life’s journey. In a deeply respectful space each of us can follow our own individual enquiry while feeling inspired by, and connected with, others. We take away with us more sense of creativity, strength and trust in our own wondrous feminine nature.” (No former experience is needed)
About Satyo: Satyo Cate Sullivan (BCA., MA (Cat). PACFA reg.) works as a psychotherapist and creative arts/dance therapist in the Shoalhaven and Southern Highlands.
When: Saturday 17th October, 9.30 – 5.30pm and Sunday 18th October, 9.30 – 4.30pm. To Book: Full payment or 50% to C. Sullivan, BSB 062 585 Account no. 0022 1907. Or send cheque to C. Sullivan, PO Box 3381, Robertson, 2577 Maximum number in workshop – 8 women. Price of Workshop: – $230 EARLY BIRD: $200 – received by October 2nd. (One or two concession prices.) Enquiries and Bookings: Satyo on 0412 122010. Email: firstname.lastname@example.org Website: http://satyosullivan.com
Tantra is quickly becoming accepted as a respected and useful philosophy as a tool to enhance relationships and sexuality. Tantric teachers Kerry and Diane Riley of the Australian School of Tantra were interviewed by the Sydney Morning Herald as Sydney’s leading authority on Tantra. Tantric teachers for many years, the Riley’s have a deep understanding of the concerns and pressures of modern relationship especially those living in the city.
‘Often people are having it all, demanding careers plus relationships and children! Tantric sexuality offers insights into the ‘man woman dynamic’ on an emotional and sexual level.’ explains Diane. ‘Tantric love emphasises daily connections, simple tantric harmonising processes for rebalancing libido and amplifying passion, at whatever age. Throw out the sexual enhancing drugs and try Tantra skills instead!’ Kerry encourages men of all ages 18 – 80 to exercise their PC muscles as the fundamental technique for life long sexual health. ‘Whether a man wants to learn ejaculation control or to strengthened his virility the PC muscle is important. Learn the tantric skills about this muscle and you will be able to make love for as long as you choose.
Kerry and Diane each tantra courses and workshops around Australia, in Perth, Sydney, Melbourne, and Byron Bay.
Their extensive and growing tantric educational books, videos, DVD’s and courses have proved to be authorative and of great value.
Tantric sex practices offer a variety of sexual styles, from the dynamic fast, often a form of the quickie, to the slow and sensual. Tantra encourages tantric lovers to expand their lovemaking and ask lovers to dialogue with each other and include new ways of lovemaking. The Sydney Australian interviewed Kerry and Diane Riley, founders of the Australian School of Tantra, in Sydney, about tantric sexuality in their issue “In Praise of Slow’ which is a world trend to find more enjoyment and peace in our frantic lives by consciously slowing down everyday tasks like cooking – slow cooking- and of course sex. Slow sex, imagine hours of sensual slow pleasure! Some would say yes!!! Others may think, it may be boring after 10 minutes. However tantra offers lovers many tantric skills and techniques to expand loving pleasure to become one of the richest sexual experience. Outlined below is a tantric practice, Karenza, add it to your tantric skills.
Do you feel in a hurry?
Slow Sex –
‘Keep attentive on the fire at the beginning and so continuing to avoid the embers at the end.’ Osho
Slowing down deepens connection Increases your capacity to love and be loved Focus on your breath, this keeps you in the moment.
More on Slow Sex
Try being together in genital contact where there is no movement for fifteen to twenty minutes. Move only if the erection should slacken. The emphasis is on connecting lovingly; the mood is warm and tender. The trick here is to keep focusing your mind on the pleasure and, to feel this; there is no necessity to move. This method of lovemaking is sometimes called Karenza , which is an Italian word meaning caress. In Karenza, you are making love without an expectation, other than enjoyment, sharing and loving. The pressure for orgasm does not dictate the pace or the outcome of the lovemaking.
Tantric experts Kerry and Diane Riley of the Australian School of Tantra were interviewed for the Australian, in the road test issue. Topical areas in modern city life were selected and of course Tantra sex was included and Diane and Kerry Riley were interviewed.
Tantra is no longer a way out hippie airy fairy pursuit. Tantra is becoming recognised for what insights, skills and techniques it has to offer couples and singles to the broader questions of love and sexuality. It’s not just about multiple or extended orgasm. Tantra includes tantric loving skills of body, heart and soul. The tantric lessons have been distilled by Kerry and Diane Riley in their home tantra study course. It includes a tantra 80 page workbook and 8 tantric lessons on MPS. in this way men, women and couples can read, practice and integrate tantric lovemaking and heart intimacy skills to enrich and enlivens their loving practices.
Tantra for women:
Tantric lovers cultivate emotional intimacy, and this is what most women say they want more of. Tantra has many ways to establish and nurture deeper heart connections The other area of interest is improving and expanding sexual pleasure and of orgasms. Tantric skills and tantric techniques provide a path for a loving journey together.
Tantra for men:
Sexually men face two major difficulties in their lives. Number 1 is coming too soon, leaving their woman frustrated and the man disappointed. Number 2 is not being able to make love when your woman wants to because you can’t get an erection, leaving your woman disappointed and your self image devastated.
Tantra gives you the secrets and practices of how to solve these difficulties and includes:
Tantra sex can produce heat and therefore sweat. Sweat, after all is a natural body fluid and as tantra teaches ‘the body is our temple’ and all that is of the body is sacred! Even sweat!
Tantric sweat is attractive! You can influence the smell of sweat so that it is not a turn off, but a tantric turn on!
How can I do this? Many students ask me, and you may know you are what you eat and this especially applies to your sweat. Eat meat and more meat and processed sugary foods and you get foul sweat. Eat vegetables, grains and lots of fragrant herbs and your tantric sweat will be delicious!’
‘For women there’s nothing like the smell of a man’s sweat. Androstadienone is a male chemical signal found concentrated in men’s sweat. Researchers measured levels of the hormone cortisol in the saliva of females after they took 20 sniffs from a jar of androstadienone. Cortisol is secreted by the body to help maintain proper arousal and sense of well-being, respond to stress and other functions. Cortisol levels in the women who smelled androstadienone shot up within roughly 15 minutes and stayed elevated for up to an hour. Consistent with previous research, the women also reported improved mood, higher sexual arousal, and had increased blood pressure, heart rate and breathing.
For comparison’s sake, women also smelled baking yeast, which did not trigger the same effects. So forget your high priced cologne guys, turn up to your next date with a nice sweat going and just let the rest happen.’
Source: Journal of Neuroscience
Tantric lovers take note ! Tantric lovers will bath together or better still lovingly bath each other to ready themselves for tantric sweaty love. Drink peppermint tea, eat lemongrass and Thai basil in your food for a week or two and notice the difference.
Diane Riley 2008
Copyright 2005. Spectra 2000 P/L
Tantra lessons throughout Australia, sydney/Melbourne/Byron Bay/ Brisbane/Perth Australian School of Tantra 0404 468618
Tantra Sex workshops and lessons include many tantric lovemaking skills.
Tantra connection 1
Eyes wide open
Most people shut their eyes while making love and enter their own space. Of course, it can be really nice. But, to feel more love, it helps to look into your partner’s eyes. Your eyes are the windows to your soul. Look into your partner’s eyes as he gazes into yours — tell each other how much you enjoy and love one another, how precious they are to you. This is the second thing you can do to create more heartfelt feelings while making love; talk to your partner, share your innermost feelings of love.
Men, especially, find it difficult to get the feelings of love during lovemaking because all of their energy gets caught in their genitals. It’s easy for men to feel sensation in their penis: the challenge becomes getting that sensation in their heart as well, so that the heat of their genitals resonates with the warmth in their heart. This is the difference between a good lover and an extraordinary lover.
Tantra sex teacher Kerry wisely advises men in his Sexual Secrets for Men‘it’s not the number of strokes you can do with your lingam but how much love you can send with your ‘wand of light’ that makes the difference.’ You can help your man to learn this skill by practising the things I have suggested in this chapter.
However, as some men find the intimacy exercise extremely confronting, here is a practice that will give him this skill physically without having do the ‘other’ exercises. Most men we have surveyed find this the most enjoyable and easiest to do.
Tantric connection 2
Have him lie down on his back as you sit between his legs. Then, pleasure his lingam (you could use some of the magic strokes already suggested), or give him oral sex until he is fully erect and charged with energy. Have him open his eyes, then put one hand over his lingam and the other hand on his heart centre. Make eye contact, talk to him and tell him you love him. This helps to connect the pleasure and passion he feels in his genitals to the warmth in his heart and intensifies his feeling of love for you.
Also try running your palm from his genitals along to his heart centre then through to his shoulders and down to his hands. Do this in long, sweeping strokes, one hand after the other, for five or six strokes. Breathe in deeply as you stroke up to his heart and breathe out as you take it down his arms.
Ask him to follow your breathing — this helps to lift the sexual energy away from the genitals to the heart and upper body. You can also use a sweeping stroke down his thighs. Your hands can help create pathways, not only for the energy to flow to his heart and upper body, but also through his lower body and feet. Once a man develops this connection with his heart, then during lovemaking, all you need do is simply reach out and touch his heart centre. It will act as a reminder for him to get in touch with his love, not just his performance.
Copy right 2004 Diane Riley Australian School of Tantra Sydney / Perth / Melbourne
The truth is that no matter how much we want our relationship to run smoothly, disharmony still occurs. We get out of sync with our partner. We have disagreements, we argue and sometimes we get angry and hurt and say things to our partner that we wouldn’t say to our worst enemy.
What can we do about disharmony? First we need to have the right attitude. If we have the attitude that conflict should not occur, then we are always going to be under stress. Conflict is a part of growth and does occur in a healthy relationship. Very often the closer we get to our beloved, the more conflicts arise, se we need to develop the attitude, as we confront uncomfortable situations together, that although it can be painful, it is an opportunity to grow closer together.
Many people have the attitude that a good relationship must always be smooth and controlled, so they are unhappy and disappointed with their marriage when it doesn’t happen like that. They spend a lot of energy covering up the disharmony from others and they cover it up from each other until it gets out of control, and then the whole relationship explodes. So the first thing to have in your relationship is the understanding that disharmony is part of a healthy relationship, that it’s natural. Loving couples strive for the joy of becoming closer and closer together.
They want union, but along with union comes dependence which can make a man feel that he is allowing a woman to hold power over him. Men don’t want to have to depend on women; to some men this is dependence threatens their sense of masculinity and they resent it. Many women also resent feeling dependent on men and this creates an ongoing struggle for power and independence.
That is why lovers will always go on fighting. The fight is simply a way to show each other they are still independent.
It is important not to blame each other because this is something that happens between male and female energies. Don’t take it personally and don’t hurt the other for doing what is part of the man-woman relationship game.
If we are to move forward in our relationship, we must learn to let go and not carry bad energy around with us for hours or sometimes days. Some of us hang onto our disagreements for weeks. We must learn to let them go, but how do we do this?
Shutting off and walking out of the room is basically heading for a hug fight. You must discuss the issue. If at some point you do head out of the room, make sure you come back and be open to talk. However, discussing it while you are in a high state of resentment can be difficult and could perhaps lead to more disharmonies.
What should you do in these situations? The first step is to let go of having to be right and having to prove her wrong, and go into the bonding process.
The Bonding Process
Diane and I use a practice in our marriage called the Bonding Process. Many teachers of sexual loving teach similar exercises. It includes stopping the talking when you realise it’s not going anywhere and agreeing to physically connect your bodies.
It is important that you and your partner have agreed to do this in times of conflict. This process will help to keep sexual passion and loving bond alive in your relationship. You should make a prior agreement to partake in the process always. So when one asks the other, even though you may not want to, you will agree to say “yes”. It is not based on whether you want to, it is based on a decision you have made in your relationship which you have both agreed to honour no matter what – “to keep sexual passion and loving bond between you alive.”
Never refuse to honour this agreement because if you do you threaten the issue of trust in your relationship. Your partner has trusted you enough to drop the argument and ask for harmony. This I affirming that your relationship is more important than ego, more important than being right in this particular issue.
Suppose it is you who lets go first. You could say. “This is not getting us anywhere. I want to be in harmony with you. I want to do the Bonding Process. We can discuss this later when we are not so upset. Let’s put our bodies together.” The steps in the Bonding Process are as follows:
Take up the nurturing position. You (the requesting partner in this case) lie on your back while your partner lies besides you and rests her head on your chest. Place your right arm around her in a nurturing manner. She places her right hand on your heart chakra and you put your left hand on top of hers. Bend your right knee and place it between her legs, touching her sexual centre. Her right leg is bent over yours so her knee touches your genital area.
This connects your heart centre. Where you can open to give and receive love again, with your sexual centre, which, for a man, tends to open you more to wanting intimacy again. For her, being held in the nurturing position tends to open her heart centre again and by touching her sexual centre with your leg, reverses her normal reactive behaviour to close down sex to you in time of conflict.
Use the breath to let go of any tension. If you are very upset you will find that you will be tensing your body and holding your breath or you will feel your partner doing this. Breathe in with a long, deep breath through the nose and then sigh as you breathe out through the mouth –ahh! Repeat this at least 10 times, co-ordinating your breaths if you can; otherwise make sure you are both doing the deep breathing. Never allow just one of you to be doing it; both must participate.
As you breathe out let go of any anger, resentments or the need to be right. Release all tension in the body, especially in the jaw, neck and shoulders. As you continue with the breathing, allow your mind to quieten, allow the inner chatter about the argument to be dismissed. Take your awareness instead to the contact points between your physical bodies, especially your heart being open – feeling love, compassion, caring and forgiveness. Feel the warmth of your partner’s hand on your heart centre. Now focus on nurturing your partner like a child who has been hurt. Focus on that part of her that you really love beyond the part that has upset you.
Partner B ( your lover in this case), focus on being nurtured and cared for and then shifts her attention to her hand on your heart, healing it and opening you more to love again. If it feels appropriate she can gently move her hand from your heart centre to your sexual centre, gently cupping this area for a few minutes, while you keep your hand on your heart centre. This allows harmony between the emotions and physical sexuality to develop once more. You now exchange roles with your partner, gently repositioning before beginning. You need to spend al least five minutes in each role for it to be effective.
Both turn and face each other and hold each other naturally without your ands holding the heart or sexual chakras. Continue to breathe and let go, but do not say anything. Gaze gently into each other’s eyes with love and compassion while tuning into your own “higher self”, where having to be right or having to win the argument is not important. What is important is to keep eye contact and be soft, vulnerable and see the part of your beloved that wants to be loved and wants to love. Act as healers for each other, showing compassion, care and concern for your relationship.
Keep breathing gently and after a minute or so and when appropriate, one says “I’m sorry (we were fighting). I love you”. The other listens, breaths in and internally accepts this. Then she says “I’m sorry too and I love you.” Finish with a hug or a kiss.
It is most important not to say anything like” I forgive you, but next time..” This would blow the whole process. You may as well not have done it in the first place. Do not talk about the issue, just hug and kiss and suggest a cup of tea or a walk. Maybe several hours later or the next day you can return and deal with the issue. Dealing with it immediately after the Bonding Process is dangerous because you are very open and sensitive when you have trusted enough to say “sorry”.
After you have completed this process, you may not even need to discuss the issue again because you will find that the re-established harmony and balance may well provide a new viewpoint or attitude. If you do discuss it, you may come up with other solutions to the problem which you may not have reached while in a reactive mode.
In reality, neither of you are perfect. You both contributed to the disharmony in some way. By looking within and forgiving and by balancing the energies between you, very often circumstances begin to change.
The Power of Surrender
What you are doing in these three steps is surrendering your ego and honouring your true feelings to keep the sexual passion and loving bond between you alive. Surrender is not compromise. Surrender is letting go totally and giving over to a truth higher than yourself. In this case, the bonding of your relationship becomes the highest truth, not you winning the argument or allowing your beloved wants and needs to be more important than your own. It is important to honour your truth, your needs and wants. Surrendering is a powerful thing to do. Once the energy is balanced it is more likely that a solution will be found to whatever caused the disharmony in the first place.
Author: Diane Riley,
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Around the globe we are experiencing a growing awareness of the importance of honouring the sacred balance on our planet and in our relationships to the living world around us, in order to live sustainably and in harmony with our environment. I feel it is natural to extend this concept to a most fundamental aspect of our lives – sexuality.’
In certain ancient cultures sexuality and spirituality were entwined. Although not lost completely, ancient philosophies such as Tantra were known by few, and as time went on sex became a taboo subject in many western cultures. The world changed again however, as is the nature of evolution, and attitudes towards sex opened. Sex, a subject so widely broadcast, with unfathomable commercial influence, has now itself been significantly influenced by the consumer world. The physical aspects of sex seem to be intimated in everything we see and do, but perhaps this period of overt sexuality has reached its extreme. No extreme is sustainable, the edge has been found and maybe it is time to turn back.
Sexuality and its expression so often mimicks what is happening in society. Sexually repressed and inhibited during the Victorian era; free, rebellious and reactive in the swinging 60s; dynamic, aggressive and stereotypically male in the 80s; overt, provocative and material in the 90s and beyond.
What will come next? Now is the age of greater awareness and presence, a reconnection to the very things that give us life, of more sustainable living. Our sexuality will undoubtedly be influenced by that too.
The need to reconnect with all that is around us is more commonplace now. The selfish, consumeristic attitudes of recent history are no longer acceptable. In 2009, sex remains an influence in most facets of the consumer world. The trouble is, when anything is mass produced it is cheapened, with few exceptions. Sex is no different. We are overstimulated, overexposed to everything. Overexposed to sex, overwhelmed by choices, and simultaneously losing the true connection with God, spirit, nature, the source of life. People are looking for change.
The innate need to profoundly connect makes us less tolerant now of nonchalance, superficiality and experiences based solely on the physical, the material. We are recognising the need for sustainable practice, and why shouldn’t that extend to our fundamental selves and the way we relate to each other? There are a growing number of people bringing more awareness to their lives, a greater presence to all that they do. A resurgence of the art of sacred sex may just come from our need not only to reconnect, but to sustain that connection.
The word Tantra means to manifest, to expand and to weave. In the tantric sense, sex is thought to expand conciousness, weaving together the polarities of male (represented by the Hindu god Shiva) and female (embodied by the Hindu goddess Shakti), into one, a harmonious whole. Tantra, as a philosophy, arose in India more than 6,000 years ago, as a rebellion against organised religion that proclaimed sex should be rejected in order to reach enlightenment.
Diane and Kerry Riley were at the forefront of bringing Tantric philosophy and practice to Australia. Together for 30 years, dividing their time between Byron Bay and Sydney, they have each written books on sacred sex and co-created a DVD. They teach courses worldwide on sex, love and relationships and believe that sacred sex can not only be integrated into modern relationships but must be if relationships have a real chance of maturation.
Kerry says, ‘Not dissimilar to the beginnings of yoga, Tantra in its early days was quite religious, esoteric and somewhat elitist, accessible to just a few. Diane and I wanted to make sacred sex more accessible. We ourselves have three children, both run businesses, we had to learn how to integrate it into our real lives. Yoga is now accessible to everyone, and in so many different facets, and Tantra is similar in that way.’
Diane agrees, ‘Modern Tantra is hard to define. In its true essence it is a perspective on life. It’s attitude is one of acceptance, inclusion and expansion. It can be inclusive of current sexual practice and expanding on that, being open to everything.’
Diane says that it has even been described as broadly as anything that doesn’t harm anyone emotionally, physically or spiritually. ‘During my teaching, I often remind young girls that their sexual energy is precious, like a garden, only invite someone who will respect and admire it, not someone who will trample on it.’
The Rileys believe sacred sex is when mind, body and spirit are intertwined. If the mind is only concerned with the physical outcome of, for instance, orgasm, then it is likely the sex will take on aspects of a performance, the destination becomes more significant than the journey. Kerry says that the mind creates the experience, therefore if you are totally present and believe the union to be a special one, that your partner is a god or goddess, then the sex will be a sacred experience, connecting you both to each other and to a higher plane.
He adds, ‘There seems to be no polarity between the sexes now. It is more than acceptable now for a woman to be sexy, but this has reached extreme levels and many have become more male in their attitude towards sex. And some males have lost what it means to be a man. But I think it’s great we have gone to this extreme, because it has now allowed us to come back again. To have the perfect union there needs to be yin and yang, both partners need to tune into their true essence but also be in touch with the opposite energy that exists in themselves too.’
Diane adds, ‘What it is to be a sexy woman has been affected by a growing commercialisation of female sexuality and sometimes influenced by the male stereotype of sexual behaviour. For most women, the quality of their sexual experience is tightly linked with the level of emotional intimacy they feel with their partner. Kerry and I like to examine how lovers can develop and enhance heartfelt connections between them. Many people are incorporating more relaxed and adventurous attitudes towards sex and their own sexuality. Sacred sex is about bringing more soulfulness to sexual intimacy.
LIKE A VIRGIN?
Aphrodite was also known as the ‘golden goddess’, not only because of her beauty, but also because she radiated love and sensuality. This ‘golden glow of aphrodite’ is a description of a love that is pure, a love not tainted by the desires
By Satyo Cate Sullivan (guest facitiator Womens Tantra Retreat April 23-25 2010)
“The key to discovering the fulfilment that love can give us is to begin to listen to these messages. It is so easy when going about everyday life, managing, coping, and achieving, to either switch off from the heart or stay tuned in on a very surface level. If we do this too much we may find ourselves wondering why we feel dissatisfied, frustrated, restless, bored, and empty. Often this is because we are not listening in to those messages from the heart.
One way to get to know your own heart’s messages is to stop and write down the following sentence and see how you want to finish it. Keep writing this sentence each time, saying it to yourself and, without thinking it out, see what you write. The sentence is “Something my heart enjoys is …..”Just let the simple everyday things come to you as well as anything grandiose. Try not to write what you think your heart should enjoy. One of the joys of this experiment is to let yourself be surprised!!!
If it helps, put your hand on your heart beforehand for a minute to connect with it. Here are some examples I wrote:
“Something my heart enjoys is sitting at the computer writing …. (Now I didn’t expect that!)
“Something my heart enjoys is sensuous playful love making”
“Something my heart enjoys is receiving letters.”
“Something my heart enjoys is partaking in consciousness work.”
“Something my heart enjoys is listening to music by Vivaldi.”
“Something my heart enjoys is being with my goddaughter.”
“Something my heart enjoys is quality time to connect deeply with my lover”
“Something my heart enjoys is creating a beautiful place.”
Some things in life one passionately enjoys and others, just quietly so, but let your mind wander over a wide spectrum of experiences so you become familiar with the many ways your heart can resonate. A variation of this sentence you might like to try is “Something that touches my heart is …..” This can open to other realms of the heart. You can experiment with these sentences again at other times. You will come up with some new heartfelt insights each time. You may also want to consider how much space you are providing for yourself in your everyday life for what resonates with your heart.
There are some simple ways to know when your heart is sending some message to you. It is happening all the time but sometimes we forget how to listen. It is often in the ordinary moments of everyday life that it is happening. A feeling of warmth, an unexpected smile, tears or a sparkle coming to the eyes, an uplifting sense of joy, a wanting to share, often these symptoms are indicators that your heart is saying something, like “Yes, I like this person”, “I feel right in this situation”, “I like walking by the sea right now, I’ll do it a bit longer”, “I love this music, it makes me feel good”, “I am moved by this situation.”, “I need to connect with my friend”. These are the times to listen, not necessarily to act on the messages, but to get to know what your own heart is saying to you and what it feels like to experience it. Sometimes we may want to dismiss messages from the heart because the society we have created is not exactly conducive to some of its feelings. We may feel embarrassed, shy, foolish, scared, even overwhelmed by some of the feelings in the heart, depending on the situation we are in, but if we do not listen to some of its messages we can become cut off, tough, superficial or just end up creating lives that do not give us what we truly need. For example our heart may be sending us messages of attraction towards a person but that person does not fit our head’s ideal of the “right” person for us. We may miss out on a wonderful opportunity!
As you listen to the heart more you realise that it can experience many different states of being. These states can add richness, a fuller dimension to life. The heart knows joy, passion, tenderness, innocence, wonder, yearning, delight, devotion, gratitude, compassion. To taste at least some of these states of being can give a deep sense of fulfilment. Many people, the more they experience love in their lives, say “Oh, this is what life is all about!” When they get caught up and lost in the humdrum of daily living they remember to stop and listen in again to the heart. A way you can do this is to be still, focus on the area of your heart and be aware of one or two feelings that are there in that moment. Sometimes, when doing this, you may become aware of your own needs for the nourishment that a loving heart can give you. And you can provide this for yourself, seeing what your needs are in that moment, running yourself a luxurious bath, asking your lover to caress you, sitting for a while with a cup of tea or ringing a friend for a chat. You may tune in and find your heart feels full to overflowing and want to share that in some way making love, writing a letter, inviting someone over for dinner. You may just want to be present with whatever feeling is in the heart and sit and be with it, maybe lighting a candle or playing some music or you may want to take yourself out and walk somewhere you enjoy.
Sometimes when you listen to the heart there can also be feelings of wistfulness, poignancy, sadness or grief. We all have these feelings. They are part of loving and the longing for love. Allowed to be there, in a situation that feels comfortable for you, and experienced in a state of gentle compassion for yourself, they open another dimension to the love that is in the heart. They bring there own gifts. Listening to the heart is not some gooey, Iovey, dovey state. It can be nitty gritty. It brings height, breadth and depth to our lives and to our interactions with others.
Listening to the heart is enriching to your life whether you have or do not have a lover. Often it feels like we won’t know love and the warmth of the heart until someone comes and loves us. But the more you get to know how to listen to your own heart and discover its qualities the more you see how much love you have inside you already. Love is there in each of us. If you are alone at this time in your life, your sense of wellbeing will be greatly enhanced. If you do meet, or are already with a beloved, you find that, by each being in touch with your own heart you have so much more to share and explore together.
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Indian journalist Spriha Srivastava interviewed Diane Riley for the Sunday Indian times. Sacred love versus pure sex;
The term Tantra is often taboo !
because people don’t understand it. People
usually project their thoughts and fantasies in Tantra
and think that’s what it is. Tantra is about sexuality and love, and
exploring it emotionally, physically and spiritually. It’s about being at your highest, purest and most authentic self.
Want to be become a Tantra Teacher? Or Add tantra skills to your current modality? Or do a Tantra training for personal use?
We are Thrilled to be running the LoveWorks Teacher Training March next year! You will learn to work with women, men and couples to assist in enriching relationships; physically, emotionally and spiritually.
Hand on heart, is such a beautiful and simple practice to use connecting with your beloved. Best practiced with a gentle eye gaze, using the warmth of your hand to touch your beloved heart space. Enjoy a few moments to settle into the moment and nurture your connection, without words, without wanting, just be. This will assist your relationship to flourish