TANTRIC SEXTACY…Jade de Souza
Transform your relationship woes into relationship whoas! Using the ancient Indian art of sexual pleasure.
Who are these women who have multiple orgasms? Who are these men who can last for hours? Who are these couples that claim to be madly in love? They’re probably devotees of Tantric Sex, the centuries old language of love for couples the world over. So what is it? I asked Diane and Kerry Riley, directors of the Australian School of Tantra in Sydney. “Tantra is an ancient Indian philosophy that regards sex as the path to spiritual enlightenment. Connecting the sexual with the soulful, it harmonises male and female energies,” explains Diane. Reduced to crudities, it induces higher orgasmic states through prolonged intercourse and intensified foreplay.
Practicing Tantra can take you back to the beginning of your relationship, when there was lots of fun and romance and sex was passionate and exciting. It can pull you out of the rut most couples fall into and remind you how good it feels to be deeply in love. “Many people complain that there is something missing from their relationship,” says Diane. “Often what it is that special intimacy that can transform sex into lovemaking.” Tantric practices cultivate that intimacy by establishing nurturing, heart-to-heart connections between lovers.
The term Tantric Sex usually conjures up thoughts of contortionist positions sustained during bed-breaking sexual marathons, but being able to cross your legs behind your head is not a requirement! Tantric Sex doesn’t even have to involve intercourse. “Tantra is inclusive of any sexual practice so long as it involves a loving connection,” Diane explains. She recommends that every couple practice ‘daily devotion’, taking a few moments each morning to come into a sexual embrace and share love. Since the eyes are the windows into the soul, making eye contact during the encounter promotes soulful connection.
Increasing your amount of foreplay, or ‘loveplay’ as Diane and Kerry call it, keeps passion alive. “Tantra broadens the definition of sex,” says Diane. “Orgasm is not the goal, pleasure is.” So if you take the time to build anticipation and excitement, you can enjoy the journey just as much as the destination.
Sound pretty good so far? Read on to learn about the breathing techniques and muscle contractions you can try tonight to bring more pleasure and energy into to your lovemaking.
Focus Your Breathing
A woman’s mind tends to wander during sex, preventing her from feeling the pleasure that’s available. A man’s thoughts will race ahead as he stresses about lasting and whether his lover is enjoying herself. Deep, slow and rhythmic breathing keeps you relaxed and focused in the present. It can increase pleasurable sensations and lengthen orgasm. When people get sexually excited, their breath quickens. As they approach climax, they’ll hold their breath, bringing the ending on. Practicing focused breathing is therefore also a way to starve off orgasm, so you can make love for longer. Synchronising your breathing with your partner’s will harmonise your energies and lead to more intimate connections.
Take a Time Out
Another prolonging method is pausing for a time during sex so that you can feel the intensity of the physical and emotional connections you are making. This also ensures your minds haven’t drifted. “It can be a fantastic experience, when bodies are still with hearts melting into each other, ripples of deep pleasure can pulse from head to toe,” Diane describes.
Use Your Pelvic Floor
Your pubococcygeus (or PC) muscle is an active muscle of contraction during orgasm, hence toning it can increase your pleasure potential. The PC muscle runs from your pubic bone to your tail bone and is the one you can squeeze to stop urination. Diane and Kerry recommend clenching and releasing this muscle around 50 times a day to increase its strength and your awareness of it. “The common sexual difficulty for men is the lack of control,” says Kerry. “With a strong pelvic floor, a man can avoid releasing a build of sexual energy through ejaculation, and instead spread that energy through his body, enjoying orgasmic pleasure without ending the encounter too quickly.” Diane explains that many women have trouble experiencing much sexual pleasure at all. Pelvic floor exercises increase the number of motor neurons in the muscles, so more signals are able to reach the pleasure receptors in the brain. For women therefore, being aware of this muscle during sex can increase their enjoyment as well as the likelihood and intensity of orgasm.
Between careers and families, many couples struggle to find the time to put into nurturing their relationship. An essential part of the Tantric lifestyle is however, making that time and giving your relationship high priority, even if that means scheduling it into your planner. Lovemaking doesn’t have to be spontaneous to be romantic! If you’re not feeling sexy when the time comes, opt to just cuddle for a while. If you give each other a massage with heart warming, sensually scented oils such as rose or jasmine oils, their aphrodisiac qualities could just get you in the mood!
In order to create more intimacy, we sometimes need to step out of our comfort zone. This doesn’t have to mean reenacting hard-core scenarios from porn movies! Tantra is not the practice of lurid sex but rather intimate lovemaking. It means letting go of fears and insecurities so as to make yourself available emotionally and spiritually, as well as physically. “Couples feel closer. Trust grows deeper and sexuality becomes fuller. Inhibitions are forgotten, fears are released and they fall deeper in love,” says Diane.
Now that you know the basics, grab your lover and give it a go! For more information, The Australian School of Tantra offers classes around the country Perth, Sydney, Brisbane, Byron Bay, NewCastle, Melbourne as well as comprehensive books and DVD’s describing more detailed techniques. Visitwww.australianschooloftantra.com.au