Tantra interview for for Cosmo. 2010

Extracts appeared in ‘Everything you wanted to know about tantra’, as requested by Kristy Bradley.

I’ve just written a book‘Sexy and Sacred’– nothing like it in the market place.
An X rated practice, well there are many in the Kama sutra- challenging yoga style positions. Those practices are for the flexible and strong. So tantra is just about finding a new sex position or a new point to press- to titillate the mind-  there 100’s of articles on those things and numerous porno DVD’s.
Tantra is about experiencing as much pleasure and bliss as possible; not just physically but on all levels body heart and soul. Tantra is about combining the fire of sexual pleasure with the deep warmth of the heart and the cool bliss of meditation being in ‘the eternal now’. This combination opens you to a new reality of sexual love.

It is about being the moment of present time which happens in sex especially at the point of orgasm- we let go of thought. But often sex is more about focusing on the result of ‘getting to cum’, am I going to cum? Am I sexy enough ? God I hope he doesn’t come to quick,  that felt good and now he’s changed what he’s doing and I’ve lost it !: so we’re thinking: comparing with the past or thinking of the future instead of being in the moment.

True tantra happens when you are so thoroughly absorbed in the present moment that nothing else exists (much easier said than done). So there are skills to shut the mind up and be present to the sensations and pleasures that you are experiencing.

Focused breathing is one of these skills, which is common in yoga, meditation, Ti chi but how do you bring that type of awareness into lovemaking.
So here is a practice that is deceivingly simple but if you want something challenging then try it and see.after significance foreplay. Man sits on couch woman straddles him and intercourse begins – or continues- as the excitement builds she moves upper body back, stills genitally connected, she asks him to open his eyes (the window to the soul- in to me see) and start to breathe deeply together, breathing in together and breathing out together- allowing sexual sound Thhh ….hArrrrr. As you breathe in, rotate pelvis back and forward as you breathe out. Do this for at least ten breaths maintaining eye contact, before continuing with normal love making. This can also help him with ejaculation control especially if he contracts the PC muscle as he breaths in on the out stroke and breathe out on the in stroke.  And for her contract the PC muscle as she moves her hips can amplify her pleasure and orgasm.
And because there is more intimacy her sexual energy will expand even more. It’s not a porno performance it’s heightened lovemaking and that’s what tantra is about!
There is nothing wrong with making love with eyes shut, we all do it! But it can be like mutual masturbation; where he is in his thoughts and pleasure and you are in yours. It’s like there are four people making love. However when your eyes are open and you are breathing together two lovers become the one.
For a very advanced x rated practice, move him to the bed , coming into missionary position gently insert a clean finger into each other’s base chakra and continue the process. Making sure you use plenty of lube and maintaining eye contact. This awakens the kundalini to spiral up the spine to the pineal gland for a wickedly blissful experience.