Expressing your inner sex goddess
…whilst Creating Boundaries
When we enliven our sexiness, we become alluring and magnetic, like
Aphrodite. So how do we remain connected to her golden glow but still
protect ourselves from intrusions or abuse? This can be difficult, but it
is important to find the balance between the attention we want and the
attention we don’t want.
Boundaries can act as valuable tools to protect yourself from others as
well as to contain yourself and help you find a healthy balance between
both. Equally, it is important to be absolutely clear within ourselves about
what these boundaries are and what they mean to us. Which give s you more freedom with
your inner sex goddess.
Shirley Smith, in ‘Set Yourself Free in Relationship’ writes: “Getting
clear about boundaries and how to put them in place is one of the most
essential things you can do to teach people how to treat you. In fact, your
current boundaries — or lack of them — are directly related to how
people treat you.” She suggests asking yourself two questions:
‘What am I allowing that I shouldn’t be allowing?’
‘What am I not allowing that I should?’ 8
Use these simple questions to guide you in establishing what is right
for you while still staying available for intimacy and not loosing touch
with your own good common sense.
Learning and Knowing what your boundaries are around sexuality is sometimes
difficult since, in the dance of relationships, these can often shift and
evolve. However, in a situation that is unknown, such as at a social
gathering where you are unsure of the company, you need to be absolutely
clear of your boundaries and maintain them. If necessary, be explicit in
letting others know. Be able to say ‘no’ and mean it. An emphatic ‘no’
shows any unwelcome intruder that you are in charge of yourself and the
situation! This doesn’t always mean that you need to be in a rage. Rather,
allow the grace and confidence of your goddess energy to take control
of the situation. The way a spirited young lady friend of mine handles
unwelcome attention is with grace and humour. Often, she will simply
say: “you’ve got good taste my friend but, ‘no, thank you’.”
Knowing and expressing boundaries can act as valuable tools to prevent us from becoming a
victim. Equally, it is important to be absolutely clear within ourselves
about what these boundaries are and what they mean to us.
Read more from Sacred and Sexy by Diane Riley
Tantra and Tantra courses for men an assist in so many sexuality and relationship areas.
‘Tantric Secrets for Men’, first published by Random House in Australia as ‘Sexual Secrets for Men’ was the subject of review by Vogue Magazine as seen below.
Tantric teacher and tantric educator Kerry Riley has talked to thousands of men about their relationships and sexuality concerns. Never before has so much information been collected abut the real issues of men in Sydney.
Tantra is becoming the new language of love for truck drivers, accountants, barristers and stay at home dads, Kerry has educated a diverse cross section of the community. Kerry says a recurring concern for modern man is how to love a woman better. ‘There must be more’ ‘lovemaking is not to just intercourse’, ‘how can I bring my partner more pleasure?’ ‘what an I do to learn more?’.
Tantra reduces the pressure of performance based sex, Tantric lovemaking is intended to be pleasurable. The pressure is now off orgasm, erection, orgasm but focused on heart felt love making. that is feeling love and pleasure in the genitals at the same time as the heart.
Tantric master Kerry Riley and his partner Diane Riley, have been married for 26 years, They have been living in Sydney and teaching Tantric Tantra seminars and course around Australia including Perth, Byron Bay, Melbourne and Sydney. Tantra offers a much wider repertoire or thinking about sexuality. Tantra is an attitude which enhances pleasure and connection on every level.
Tantric secrets for men is a best seller and will remain a significant book in the tantra education area for years to come.
Tantric sex practices offer a variety of sexual styles, from the dynamic fast, often a form of the quickie, to the slow and sensual. Tantra encourages tantric lovers to expand their lovemaking and ask lovers to dialogue with each other and include new ways of lovemaking. The Sydney Australian interviewed Kerry and Diane Riley, founders of the Australian School of Tantra, in Sydney, about tantric sexuality in their issue “In Praise of Slow’ which is a world trend to find more enjoyment and peace in our frantic lives by consciously slowing down everyday tasks like cooking – slow cooking- and of course sex. Slow sex, imagine hours of sensual slow pleasure! Some would say yes!!! Others may think, it may be boring after 10 minutes. However tantra offers lovers many tantric skills and techniques to expand loving pleasure to become one of the richest sexual experience. Outlined below is a tantric practice, Karenza, add it to your tantric skills.
Do you feel in a hurry?
Slow Sex –
‘Keep attentive on the fire at the beginning and so continuing to avoid the embers at the end.’ Osho
Slowing down deepens connection Increases your capacity to love and be loved Focus on your breath, this keeps you in the moment.
More on Slow Sex
Try being together in genital contact where there is no movement for fifteen to twenty minutes. Move only if the erection should slacken. The emphasis is on connecting lovingly; the mood is warm and tender. The trick here is to keep focusing your mind on the pleasure and, to feel this; there is no necessity to move. This method of lovemaking is sometimes called Karenza , which is an Italian word meaning caress. In Karenza, you are making love without an expectation, other than enjoyment, sharing and loving. The pressure for orgasm does not dictate the pace or the outcome of the lovemaking.
Tantra Courses for women are an expertise of Diane and Soelae Riley. Diane has been studying and researching Tantra, tantric sexuality, Taoism, yoga, mediation and wisdom traditions since 1973. Diane and Kerry Riley, her partner of 26 years introduced contemporary tantra for modern lovers to Australia in 1987 after committed study of Sacred Sexuality as a path for conscious relationship and personal development.
Tantric philosophy is now a path for their daughter soelae, 26 years, who joins Diane to teach tantric skills and techniques and contemporary tantric philosophy to women, in their Tantric Goddess Courses for women.The Australian School of Tantra presents tantric courses for women in Sydney, Melbourne, Byron Bay and Perth. These tantra courses have been the subject of many media interview including the tantra article below, published in the Telegraph in 2005.
‘Tantra course for women’ has a different emphasis than tantra courses for men or even for couples. Sacred Sexuality for women embodies the feminine. An authentic core feminine which can be quite different than the ‘feminine’ as projected by modern culture. So much of the modern feminine swigs between being ‘out there’ , raunchy,at times sexually abrasive modelling itself on a chauvinist style, then to a girly, helpless sex kitten. Where is a true and authentic sexual feminine for you?
‘Tantra courses for women’ empower women to establish a strong connection with their inner tantric goddess, through lecture, discussion, guided practice and tantric and kundalini meditation for women. Of course in media articles the sexual instruction parts of the day have been exaggerated for shock effect.
Susan, from the last tantra for women course, reported that ‘Diane has a beautiful style of delivery. She speaks to us as if we are having a conversation with her. Not like some other presenters who are airing their knowledge. Diane manner is so easy and inclusive yet she holds so much practical wisdom.’
Tantra Tantric article – Tantra Mantra
Tantra is an area of fascination, especially when a family is involved.
Kerry and Diane Riley of the Australian School of tantra have been teaching tantra since 1987 and studying it since 1979. They are tantric experts, living and teaching tantric skills and practices. It’s no ordinary family! Their two daughters, Soelae 25 years, and Lisa 23 years also have a keen interest in the perspectives of tantra.
Tantric philosophies as enthusiastically discussed at family gatherings with the girls and their partners. Tantra originally meant to expand, not remain rigid but be continually integrating new information and experiences in a harmonious and balanced way . Tantra encourages to expand in thought, not to be judgemental, remain flexible in thinking. Tantra includes the study of many things in life, that would contribute to being a cultured citizen; such as philosophy, dance, poetry, languages, devotions, and of course sexuality.
With this definition tantra is appropriate for modern life! Tantra is not about orgies or group sex. But some other tantra teachers do promote this version. However the Riley’s seem as wholesome as the regular soccer family. Tantra has been the corner stone of their 26 year marriage. they have taught Tantra tantric seminars and workshops around Australia, Melbourne, Sydney, Byron Bay, Perth as well as USA, Canada, Japan and Italy.
Marie-Louise Olson (she interviews Diane Riley from the Australian School of Tantra and the director of Sexy and Sacred Workshops for women.) Writes….. In an era of rampant female sexuality it’s ironic that women’s genitalia remains taboo,
The vagina. When was the last time you said the “v” word without snickering?
In an age of skin-baring pop stars, rampant internet porn and the sexualisation of young girls, it seems ironic that this innocent little fleshy bit with its nuances of pink and purple is still considered the most taboo area of human anatomy.
Recently on the Sydney radio show I co-host we had a candid discussion about the names we call our love tunnel.
But as terms like “pussy” and “punani” came out of my mouth and straight into the airwaves, I involuntarily found myself turning a shade of pink and purple as well.
Why is it still so hard for women to talk openly about our cho-chos? Diane Kerry, the director of the Australian School of Tantra, says it is because our society is still inhibited by the past.
“It’s a refection of where we are. We think we’re a really sophisticated society, but as far as sex, we’re not,” she says.
“It’s a real hangover from our grandmothers’ Victorian generation.”
Perhaps we simply need a sexy, but respectable, name for our front bottom … anything but va-gi-na.
Names for the vagina, which directly translated from latin means sheath or scabbard, are continuously changing over time, but probably the most universal nicknames for it are pussy, muff, cootch, twat and c.
Australian feminist and scholar Germaine Greer once said that the latter “is one of the few remaining words in the English language with a genuine power to shock”.
C is a recognised word and can be found in various English-language dictionaries including our own Macquarie dictionary, where it is defined as “the female genitalia” as well as “a contemptible person”.
Kerry likes to use the word “yoni”, which in tantric means sacred place.
“I take my vagina to the gynaecologist, but I use my yani for my sexual being, my sensuality,” she says.
In various indigenous languages it is referred to as “nungle” and “kuckles” (also the name of a Broome-based band).
In French it is called “la chat”, “tarte au poile” (hairy tart) and more politely, “le foufoun”.
The dubious colloquialism “hokey” is used to describe a loose foofa.
According to the urban dictionary, the term is derived from the song The Hokey-Pokey, meaning you can put your left leg in and shake it all about.
TV show host Oprah Winfrey even has a name for it – the vajayjay.
Then there’s foofa, box, pink, cock massager, one car garage, sperm dumpster, hoo-ha, axe wound, lady bits, china, vulva, blossomful of nectar, muffin, toolbox, velvety love folds, pastrami meat flaps, pin cushion, catchers mitt, cuckoos nest, the wound that never heals, bearded clam, beef curtains, tunatown, vertical taco, bajango, catpipe, nozzle trap, bushburger, front wedgie, meat hole, fanunu, pecker wetter, dirty south.
Come to think of it, maybe vagina isn’t so bad after all.
The writer co-hosts the womens’ radio show Double X on Sydney’s Radio 2SER
The Byron Bay Echo Article by Louise Beaumont
In certain ancient cultures sexuality and spirituality were entwined. Although not lost completely, ancient philosophies such as Tantra were known by few, and as time went on sex became a taboo subject in many western cultures. The world changed again however, as is the nature of evolution, and attitudes towards sex opened. Sex, a subject so widely broadcast, with unfathomable commercial influence, has now itself been significantly influenced by the consumer world. The physical aspects of sex seem to be intimated in everything we see and do, but perhaps this period of overt sexuality has reached its extreme. No extreme is sustainable, the edge has been found and maybe it is time to turn back. Sexuality and its expression so often mimicks what is happening in society. Sexually repressed and inhibited during the Victorian era; free, rebellious and reactive in the swinging 60s; dynamic, aggressive and stereotypically male in the 80s; overt, provocative and material in the 90s and beyond. What will come next? Now is the age of greater awareness and presence, a reconnection to the very things that give us life, of more sustainable living. Our sexuality will undoubtedly be influenced by that too. The need to reconnect with all that is around us is more commonplace now. The selfish, consumeristic attitudes of recent history are no longer acceptable. In 2009, sex remains an influence in most facets of the consumer world.
The trouble is, when anything is mass produced it is cheapened, with few exceptions. Sex is no different. We are overstimulated, overexposed to everything. Overexposed to sex, overwhelmed by choices, and simultaneously losing the true connection with God, spirit, nature, the source of life. People are looking for change. The innate need to profoundly connect makes us less tolerant now of nonchalance, superficiality and experiences based solely on the physical, the material. We are recognising the need for sustainable practice, and why shouldn’t that extend to our fundamental selves and the way we relate to each other? There are a growing number of people bringing more awareness to their lives, a greater presence to all that they do. A resurgence of the art of sacred sex may just come from our need not only to reconnect, but to sustain that connection. The word Tantra means to manifest, to expand and to weave. In the tantric sense, sex is thought to expand conciousness, weaving together the polarities of male (represented by the Hindu god Shiva) and female (embodied by the Hindu goddess Shakti), into one, a harmonious whole. Tantra, as a philosophy, arose in India more than 6,000 years ago, as a rebellion against organised religion that proclaimed sex should be rejected in order to reach enlightenment.
Diane and Kerry Riley were at the forefront of bringing Tantric philosophy and practice to Australia. Together for 30 years, dividing their time between Byron Bay and Sydney, they have each written books on sacred sex and co-created a DVD. They teach courses worldwide on sex, love and relationships and believe that sacred sex can not only be integrated into modern relationships but must be if relationships have a real chance of maturation. Kerry says, ‘Not dissimilar to the beginnings of yoga, Tantra in its early days was quite religious, esoteric and somewhat elitist, accessible to just a few. Diane and I wanted to make sacred sex more accessible. We ourselves have three children, both run businesses, we had to learn how to integrate it into our real lives.
Yoga is now accessible to everyone, and in so many different facets, and Tantra is similar in that way.’ Diane agrees, ‘Modern Tantra is hard to define. In its true essence it is a perspective on life. It’s attitude is one of acceptance, inclusion and expansion. It can be inclusive of current sexual practice and expanding on that, being open to everything.’ Diane says that it has even been described as broadly as anything that doesn’t harm anyone emotionally, physically or spiritually. ‘During my teaching, I often remind young girls that their sexual energy is precious, like a garden, only invite someone who will respect and admire it, not someone who will trample on it.’ The Rileys believe sacred sex is when mind, body and spirit are intertwined. If the mind is only concerned with the physical outcome of, for instance, orgasm, then it is likely the sex will take on aspects of a performance, the destination becomes more significant than the journey.
Kerry says that the mind creates the experience, therefore if you are totally present and believe the union to be a special one, that your partner is a god or goddess, then the sex will be a sacred experience, connecting you both to each other and to a higher plane. He adds, ‘There seems to be no polarity between the sexes now. It is more than acceptable now for a woman to be sexy, but this has reached extreme levels and many have become more male in their attitude towards sex. And some males have lost what it means to be a man. But I think it’s great we have gone to this extreme, because it has now allowed us to come back again. To have the perfect union there needs to be yin and yang, both partners need to tune into their true essence but also be in touch with the opposite energy that exists in themselves too.’ Diane adds, ‘What it is to be a sexy woman has been affected by a growing commercialisation of female sexuality and sometimes influenced by the male stereotype of sexual behaviour. For most women, the quality of their sexual experience is tightly linked with the level of emotional intimacy they feel with their partner. Kerry and I like to examine how lovers can develop and enhance heartfelt connections between them. Many people are incorporating more relaxed and adventurous attitudes towards sex and their own sexuality. Sacred sex is about bringing more soulfulness to sexual intimacy.
‘Around the globe we are experiencing a growing awareness of the importance of honouring the sacred balance on our planet and in our relationships to the living world around us, in order to live sustainably and in harmony with our environment. I feel it is natural to extend this concept to a most fundamental aspect of our lives – sexuality.’ Diane and Kerry Riley can be found at www.sexyandsacred.com.au.
Article by Louise Beaumont
ARE Women Aliens?
Female behaviour does not have to make sense to a man.
Stop wanting her to think like you!
You may laugh, but a lot of men don’t get it! That while women can operate very much like men in the workplace, in roles as leaders, negotiators and managers, in relationships women are often very different to men. Men love the difference and that’s why they are so attracted in the first place. However after a few months or years of relationship disharmony and conflict creeps in and can lead a man to think that his partner is ALIEN!
One significant reason why your partner might get upset is that you don’t give her enough loving attention. She might feel that her attractiveness is not being appreciated.
Understanding this may help you to stop arguing when, for example, your partner spends lots of money on things that you don’t feel is necessary. There is no use rationalising and arguing that she buys something new for your home, or a new dress or shoes are a waste of good money.
She is not interested; she does not hear you. It is as though you are communicating with an alien. Indeed, it has helped me considerably in my relationship to accept that in some ways women are aliens. They often have different priorities.
If I look at it this way, then my partner’s behaviour does not always have to make sense to me. It’s a great relief because I used to spend a lot of time trying to figure women out.
Female behaviour does not have to make sense to a man.
For example on a practical level, some women will want to buy a new outfit and shoes whenever there’s a special occasion coming up. Women always seem to be buying shoes anyway, even when there isn’t any special event on the horizon! You may reason: she’s got plenty of clothes, so why can’t she just be like you simply put on her best shirt or jacket. It doesn’t make sense! If she was more like you she won’t spend as much money!
Just remember that it’s okay because she’s an alien, and that’s what these aliens do! If you don’t believe that feeling attractive is a big issue for women, then test it out by forgetting to comment when your partner buys some new clothes or goes to the hairdresser. Better still, tell her she wasted her money and the hairstyle doesn’t suit her. Then watch what happens for the next few days.
You partner will often interpret and approach situations very differently to you, whether this is a social, family, medical, educational, recreational or sexual.
Don’t look at the differences between men and women as a problem. The trick here is don’t try to understand why, or always try to change her mind. The key is to look at them as an opportunity to expand the ways you communicate your presence and your loving attention. Be creative and find ways of acknowledging her attractiveness, whether that is by appreciating her appeance, her creativity, her skills or her core nature.
When I bring flowers home for Diane, when I tell her I love her again and again in different ways, even though she already knows it, I am empowered, I feel good every time.
You can choose to see difference as an opportunity rather than as a problem, a possibility for you both to win and feel good in your relationship.
By Kerry Riley: Extract from Sexual Secrets for Men.
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Make a ‘love date’ to have fun, flirt, and frolic with your partner. Take time to love and play with each other, be the lover that you would like to have. Don’t wait for your partner to be what you would love them to be. Be that partner for them… attentive, sensuous, sexy, adventurous, funny, energetic…whatever quality you long for in a lover… become it, play with that ‘energy’ of love and embody it yourself.
Perhaps try a sacerd ritual with one of the beautiful Byron Bay BE ESSENCE:
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Bring your hands to your heart area (heart chakra) in the center of your chest and imagine this area infused with the pink light of be love .
Breathe deeply into your heart center visualising this colour and invoking feelings of bliss.
Brush the oil from your hands over heart center to chest, arms and neck, then rub lovingly into your skin, concerntrating on any dry & dull areas .
Bring your hands into a prayer position over your heart center and say “ l love you.”
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