Let the tantric perspective; that the important element in sex is ‘pleasure’ – and in fact in Tantra female pleasure is most paramount, be your guide. Tantric sex is not just about penetrative sex, ejaculation or even orgasm. It is about female pleasure! Now that is a great perspective. Vaginal orgasm is wonderful, however there are so many more pleasures, just as worthy of such acclaim that vaginal orgasm receives which have been overlooked.
Tantra broadens the experience of sex. For example with a little practice of some easy skills; your whole body becomes more sensual, your little toe, your inner thigh, nape of your neck can deliver heighten sexual sensation the same way your clitoris or vulva can enjoy.
There are many tantric practices that can assist you in developing a joyous and pleasurable sex life in mature life. Tantra offers physical skills not only to give and receive heighten sexual pleasure, but also for women to reveal and nurture their sacred inner sexiness.
Our sexual energy resides in our pelvis and our hips. So regular movement of the hips is important not only to promote good vaginal health with circulation of blood and oxygen to your pelvic bowl but can assist with maintaining a good psychological connection with your vagina/ vulva (‘yoni’ in tantra meaning ‘sacred place’). Try some simple hip swirls, figure eights or hip thrusts, let and perhaps tie a scarf around your hips first and enjoy encourage your inner tantric goddess play. You may be amazed by doing a few minutes of hip movement your daily your sensual energy increases as well as your desire. If you are familiar with P.C. exercises; couple the hips exercise with vaginal contractions for a few minutes every day. Some women have reported to me that this combination has helped return moisture to their yonis and reduced the impact of hot flushes!
One of the most beneficial skills of tantra is learning to be in the moment; to be present with some gentle mindfulness breathing (while making love). This is also the soulful aspect of Tantra.
An easy tantric practice that can bring you into the moment is to focus on your breath before making love just for a few minutes. Find a steady, slow, even rhythm and focus on your breath as it travels through the nostrils down to the lings, then follow the return passage. Keep this awareness for ten cycles. If your thoughts travel somewhere else, gently bring them back to focus on the breath. If you have difficulty with this, then with each inhalation, say to yourself:
‘I am breathing in’ and with each exhalation
“I am breathing out, ten’
Then the next breath, ‘I am breathing in’, then
“I am breathing out, nine’.
Keep doing this as you count down to zero.
Do not rush the breath.
If your mind wanders, start back at ten again’.
If you do this at the beginning of any tantric sex session it will relieve some of the stresses of the day, slow down your constant stream of intrusive thoughts, dissolve anxieties, deadlines or tensions and bring you more into the moment. When you are more fully present in the moment you enhance your own sensations plus the exchange of physical and emotional energy with your partner. You can do this exercise by yourself before lovemaking or ask your partner to do the breathing practice at the same time as you.
Once you have become familiar with this practice more advanced breathing practices can be incorporated into lovemaking; ‘synchronized breathing’ and ‘alternate breathing’. Each of the different tantric breathing practices enlivens you on every level of body, heart and soul. Lovemaking becomes a journey of discovery and pleasure within the moment and potentially opening recesses and depths of heart and soul previously inaccessible and unexplored. It is these extra ordinary experiences and places within that enrich our lives and our loving selves.
Advanced tantric breath skills when coupled with erotically enhancing vaginal muscles exercises can amplify sensual pleasure sending pulsing ecstatic energy throughout the whole body.
Pleasure of the body is life enhancing, stimulating the pituitary gland and regulating hormornes to optimum levels. Sexual pleasure is a tonic for good health, wellbeing and self esteem.
Tantra and sacred sexuality have so much to offer women (and their partners) to open to more love, joy and pleasure. Fortunately my own journey to menopause has been assisted by my tantric practice with a minimum of symptoms.
Diane Riley, author of ‘Sexy and Sacred, sexual secrets for women’ and with partner Kerry Riley, is co-author of the internationally best-selling book ‘Sexual secrets for men, what every woman would want her man to know’ and co- creator of the acclaimed DVD ‘The Secrets of Sacred sex, a guide to intimacy, sex and loving’. She teaches courses worldwide on sex, love and relationships. Since 1987, as founder of the Australian School of Tantra, Diane trains tantra teachers and coaches and conduct regular seminars throughout Australia. The school facilitates women’s seminars and training sessions. Diane also offers individual couples sessions in Byron Bay and Sydney.
Australian School of Tantra director and author of Sexy and Sacred: Sexual Secrets for Women, Diane Riley said that stress, sickness, having small children, pregnancy, menopause, tiredness and emotional upsets could put a couple’s libido out of synch.
“One partner can feel pressured for sex and the other can feel neglected or abandoned” she said. Ms Riley said she taught a practice to remedy poor libido called daily devotion, which was based on an ancient Taoist exercise and involved a couple taking up to five minutes each day to connect in a gently loving way. First thing in the morning or last thing at night…. they remain in a loving embrace for up to five minutes”.
A way to remedy feeling unappreciated in your relationship was by finding things you liked about your life, your partner and your situation, said Australian School of Tantra director Diane Riley.
“Couples can improve their relationship by affirming their partners, instead of taking them for granted” she said. ” Often at the beginning of relationships we feel great about our partners and naturally say affirmative things but, as the relationship matures we oftne start inwardly demanding more and more from them”.