You may laugh, but a lot of men don’t get it! That while women can operate very much like men in the workplace, in roles as leaders, negotiators and managers, in relationships women are often very different to men. Men love the difference and that’s why they are so attracted in the first place. However after a few months or years of relationship disharmony and conflict creeps in and can lead a man to think that his partner is ALIEN!

One significant reason why your partner might get upset is that you don’t give her enough loving attention. She might feel that her attractiveness is not being appreciated.

Understanding this may help you to stop arguing when, for example, your partner spends lots of money on things that you don’t feel is necessary. There is no use rationalising and arguing that she buys something new for your home, or a new dress or shoes are a waste of good money.

She is not interested; she does not hear you. It is as though you are communicating with an alien. Indeed, it has helped me considerably in my relationship to accept that in some ways women are aliens. They often have different priorities.

If I look at it this way, then my partner’s behaviour does not always have to make sense to me. It’s a great relief because I used to spend a lot of time trying to figure women out.

Female behaviour does not have to make sense to a man.

For example on a practical level, some women will want to buy a new outfit and shoes whenever there’s a special occasion coming up. Women always seem to be buying shoes anyway, even when there isn’t any special event on the horizon! You may reason: she’s got plenty of clothes, so why can’t she just be like you simply put on her best shirt or jacket. It doesn’t make sense! If she was more like you she won’t spend as much money!

Just remember that it’s okay because she’s an alien, and that’s what these aliens do! If you don’t believe that feeling attractive is a big issue for women, then test it out by forgetting to comment when your partner buys some new clothes or goes to the hairdresser. Better still, tell her she wasted her money and the hairstyle doesn’t suit her. Then watch what happens for the next few days.

You partner will often interpret and approach situations very differently to you, whether this is a social, family, medical, educational, recreational or sexual.

Don’t look at the differences between men and women as a problem. The trick here is don’t try to understand why, or always try to change her mind. The key is to look at them as an opportunity to expand the ways you communicate your presence and your loving attention. Be creative and find ways of acknowledging her attractiveness, whether that is by appreciating her appeance, her creativity, her skills or her core nature.

When I bring flowers home for Diane, when I tell her I love her again and again in different ways, even though she already knows it, I am empowered, I feel good every time.

You can choose to see difference as an opportunity rather than as a problem, a possibility for you both to win and feel good in your relationship.

By Kerry Riley