Interview on ‘The Living Room’
Australian School of Tantra, established in 1987.
‘Our vision is to facilitate access to the theories and practices of contemporary Tantra, including, relationship connection and sacred sexuality to enhance harmony, fulfilment and transformation for individual and couples.”
The Australian School of Tantra has professional accredited educators offering LoveWorks Couples Coaching Sessions around Australia, available in Sydney, Melbourne, Perth, Byron Bay, New Castle, Nowra and Bega.
About Traditional Tantra
‘Tantra’ means to expand, to be free, to be liberated.
Tantra is a spiritual science from ancient India and in its basic essence is very similar to Taoism from China. Both involve balancing the male and female energies to create harmony and both have an ultimate goal of spiritual unity with the universe or the source or God, (the God within, as opposed to God being separate from us).
The Tantric interplay of the male and female energies was represented in Hindu mythology with Shakti and Shiva, and represented in Taoism with yin and yang. Both Tantra and Taoism aimed to create union of body, mind and spirit. And in both, sexuality was seen and practised in a spiritual context.
It is said that Tantra is the oldest single source of knowledge concerning the energies of the mind, body and spirit. It is the origin and essence of today’s popular studies and practices of Eastern philosophies, including yoga, martial arts, tai chi and the grand philosophies of the Buddha, Confucius and Lau Tzu.
Contemporary Tantra and the LoveWorks Lessons
These sessions draw on contemporary sex research, the traditions of sacred sexuality, effective relationship theory, various personal development and body wellness practices and are about exploring ways to bring more love and intimacy into how you connect with your partner. They are about feeling more connected to yourself in ‘body, heart and soul’ and more connected with each other in ‘body, heart and soul’.
You are guided into how to bring more soulfulness, joy, love and a rich sense of pleasure into your intimacy together in a way that suits you both.
Whether you are so busy with life and kids and work that you suddenly see that you must do something for the two of you as a couple, apart from family, these sessions can open you to a new way of being together.
These lessons are also beneficial in a new relationship and want to start on the right foot, or have been together for many years and want to enrich or renew the connection between you. They are paced in a way to suit you both and are a gift in themselves, a lovely thing to do together, apart from what you will learn and will be able to bring into your life.
They are usually about one and a half hours long. They are very respectful and honouring, inviting a sense of the sacred into your relationship.
Common motivations why people want to find out about Tantra
Laura: Tantric Educator
Laura has been facilitating LoveWorks Tantra couples sessions in Sydney for five years after studying with the Australian School of Tantra. Laura skilfully guides couples through a series of four LoveWorks tantric lessons for couples. During the couples lessons Laura can also teach massage for couples. She also teaches the Loveworks program to singles.
Tantric Tips to enhance relationships,
Frequently Asked Questions
The sessions are conducted in a casual professional setting; our practitioners are sensitive to the needs of both partners. The sessions are non-confrontational, clothed and tailored to your individual needs as a couple. The sessions are conducted fully clothed. The LoveWorks will give you some theory and then guide you through some of the key practices, some of which you will practise at home.
Practitioners see young couples who have only been together for a couple of months as well as couples who have been married for many years and are much older. LoveWorks Tantra benefits couples of any age group, and stage of relationship.
Yes, the principles of Tantra are universal.
Simple keys to nurture relationship
It’s about creating and sustaining harmony and passion, whether you are new in relationship or juggling family life, relationship and career.
Web links
See below what one of our viewers had to say about “The Secrets of Sacred Sex: A Guide To Intimacy & Loving” Dvd.
I have written to you because after watching your interview on TV with David & Kim, I thought to myself, why not… I really should share something with you both, and that was a poem I was inspired to write back in ’96 after watching the segment on ‘Daily Devotion’ on your VHS tape of Sacred Sex. Just a little bit of information about me very briefly, to put this into some perspective………
I hired a copy of Sacred Sex on VHS back in the early 90’s when I was approx 48, and passionately in love with someone who was not available because he was married. I knew he would choose to leave his marriage one day, but did not realise that he would also leave me and take up with a third person altogether.We often watched your film together and there were times when we were together making love that I felt I had that ecstatic spiritual ‘out-of-body’ experience. I never had that experience before, nor since.
Now almost 20 years later (I am now 68) … I purchased a copy of Sacred Sex on DVD (through your website), and I still aspire to finding someone that I can have that experience with once more… it may or may not happen for me, but I have reached a stage in mu life where I am no longer afraid that it wont happen, and I am happy & at peace with myself. If it does happen, then it will be ‘the icing on the cake’ of my life because, now I am grateful (I now honor myself first and foremost) for what I do have (my family & friends) and the lessons learned along the way.
Here is my inspiration:
The first verse represents the ‘waking’ together and joining in ‘union’ for whatever that is to the couple, holding close or making love whatever the needs.
The second and third verses are about taking a few minutes when apart living a busy day, to connect, morning & afternoon, through minds that are connected.
The last verse is about coming back together again in the evening to lie together at the end of the day, holding close, or making love whatever the needs.
Poem is below, and I thank you for producing that wonderful film and Tantra for ordinary people like me.
DAILY DEVOTION
WARM AS THE SUN
IT’S WHAT TELLS US
OUR DAY
HAS BEGUNDAILY DEVOTION
DEEP AS THE OCEAN
IT’S WHAT KEEPS
OUR LIVES
IN MOTION.DAILY DEVOTION
THE BREATH OF LIFE
IT SHELTERS US
FROM TROUBLE
AND STRIFE.DAILY DEVOTION
SO FULL OF PEACE
IT KEEPS US TOGETEHR
IT HELPS US
TO SLEEP
Sex, Death & Desire features video footage of philosopher Simon Critchley, an interview with Diane Riley of the Australian School of Tantric Sex, alongside images and animations on the subject of Goddess worship, musings from evolutionary biologist Richard Dawkins about atheism as well as clips of the Mexican celebration Day of the Dead (Dia de los Muertos) and sombre images of a candlelit parade past the grave of Polish film director Krzysztof Kielowski. In addition, audience members are treated to live music written by Simmons, as well as Sengalese Griot drumming from Pape Mbaye and his son Yaccu, and Maori singer, Merena.
“There are lots of ideas in the show that people haven’t perhaps thought of before,” Simmons says. “What I like to do with my work is not give you the Hollywood narrative where you’re instructed how to respond emotionally. I’m throwing up images that have inspired me and I’ve responded to in a certain way and then leave it to the audience to take away what they want from it. So you’ve got Tantric sex which is good for everyone involved and it’s all very positive and based on Yogic ideals and then you’ve got an interview with a guy who is addicted to porn.” Continue Reading ?
See Video clips below
and fact sheet ‘about men and women’
SBS – Boys to Men- episode three- Wed 9th Sept 2009About Men
About Men is a documentary series on SBS that explores the major life stages, transitions and experiences of boys and men living in Australia.
Third episcode on SBS of ‘about men’, “Getting of wisdom’ features Ron and his vivacious wife Gay, they speak with passion and humour about their love of each other and their passion! Which keeps them enjoying life to the full.
Ron and Gay invested time and energy into their relationship to keep their passion charged and explored tantric sexuality lessons with The Australian School of Tantra About men on SBS . Diane Riley introduced them to tantric skills to open emotional intimacy and also to tantric breathing and sexual meditation practices. Tantra – tantric sexuality has also been screened on Sixty minutes with couples exploring their romance and sexuality.
What is Tantric sex?
Tantra is a spiritual science from ancient India and in its basic essence, very similar to Taoism from China. Both involve balancing the male and female energies to create harmony and have an ultimate goal of unity or spiritual ecstasy, known as enlightenment. Tantra encourages one to explore every aspect of life. So obviously the study of sexuality was included, not only included but in fact revered.
Tantric sexuality making love was seen as a gift to God. So there was no repression or guilt attached to sex. It taught that when a man approaches his beloved he should have a sacred feeling as if he were going into a temple. The art of sexual love was the noblest of arts to study. As a young person in ancient India you could go to the sacred temples and be taught lovemaking secrets by Dakas and Dakinis, the priests and priestesses of love. The study of sexuality in the west is very new, whereas relics of Tantric rituals date back nearly five thousand years. So there is an incredible
Why does making sex sacred improve it?
Part of sacred sex is being in the present moment, more and more people know that being in the present moment is the ‘now ‘ is a spiritual state, and that enhances everything in life so if we can experience sexuality – the methods of tantra that we teach can assist to get into the present. So just focusing on the breath is powerful to bring your focus to a state of beingness- with no other thou
How do you make a sacred time and space for sex?
To do something in daily life, such as ‘Daily devotion’ which is an ancient Chinese Taoist practice that we were introduced to by Dr Stephen Chang. Kerry and I write about it on both our books- ‘Sexual secrets for men” from a man’s perspective and in my book ‘sexy and sacred, sexual secrets for women’ from a women’s perspective.
What are some of the benefits for couples of practicing tantric sex?
Tantric lovemaking can add to the ways you make love in 3 major areas:
Firstly: It gives you ways to reach heightened states of ecstasy and pleasure beyond the realms of normal sex;
Secondly: It teaches you ways to open to more love so that your heart opens even more to your partner and you remember how great it feels to be deeply, passionately “in love.”
Thirdly it teaches Sacred Sex- ways to transform your lovemaking into a sacred experience which will touch you on every level of your being, body, heart and soul
What’s involved in a tantric sex workshop?
After teaching workshop for 20 years we have trained tantric teachers who have lessons for individuals and for couples.
Sessions are very respectful of individual needs and circumstance.
Session 1 comprises of 90 minutes of training in tantric breath work, creating a sacred space, pelvic control, Yabyum postures, daily devotion & tantric heart connection techniques.
Can a single person learn about tantric sex and use it, even if they have no steady partner? What’s the benefit for a single?
Single men learn skills to ejaculation control = pc muscle- and spread sexual energy throughout their body-
Women can learn skills to enhance and deepen their pleasure. Thereby keeping sensuality alive in their lives and keeping their deep feminine core alive and attractive.
We are all sexual beings from birth, whether we are sexual or not.
Many times in people’s lives they do not have a regular sexual partner. And may not have intercourse. However learning how to enhance your own pleasure is great for wellbeing
Diane you’ve written a book, Sexy and Sacred, for women to learn to nurture their sacred sexiness within – what stops women from feeling sexual and sexy and what can she do to enhance her sexuality?
These exercises are also beneficial for women to extend their orgasmic response, taking more pleasure for herself and to give more pleasure to her partner. The P.C. muscle is the major muscle of contraction in both sexes for orgasm, so strengthening it increases sensations of pleasure. PC muscle is great for sexual wellbeing a increasing their orgasmic pleasure
You’ve also both co-authored the internationally successful book, Sexual Secrets for Men – What Every Woman would want her man to know…. so what are some of the secrets?
What’s your number one piece of advice when it comes to love and sex for my listeners?
Keep sex high priority whatever their age, for younger people as well as couples who have been together for a longer time.
As seen on SBS.com.au
Diane Riley
Diane and her partner Kerry Riley have been married 29 years and are Australia’s leaders in Tantra and sexual well being. Diane runs a private consultancy for couples and singles, assisting with education and issues of sacred sexuality and relationships, communication, and men’s and women’s sexual wellness. The Australian School of Tantra’s book ‘Sexual Secrets for Men: What every woman would want her man to know’, and DVD ‘The Secrets of Sacred Sex’ are internationally acclaimed.
https://australianschooloftantra.com.au/
How important is sexuality in our lives and what role does it play?
Sexuality is an integral part of our lives, it provides dynamic energy. It touches and inspires every aspect of life and affects us emotionally, physically and spiritually. We can learn to develop and enhance our experience of sexuality to create more love in our lives.
What is the philosophy behind Tantric sex?
Tantra emphasizes that we deserve all the love and sexual pleasure we can possibly receive; that sexual loving is a way to reach the mysteries of the heart, the soul, within each person. It also teaches that sex is a way of bonding with a lover physically, emotionally and spiritually to create feelings of ecstatic pleasure, deep intimacy and feelings of connectedness.
What happens to a man’s sexuality as he grows older?
It’s natural for many men to experience changes in their sexuality with age. Some may be concerned about sustaining potency, virility or have health or personal issues that impact on their sexuality and performance.
How challenging can it be for men to acknowledge these changes?
Many men report they don’t want this area of their life to be over while others feel they are too old and say they can’t do anything about it. A lot of men are challenged and don’t have the education around what they can do to sustain sexual well being into their older years.
How can tantric sex help men improve their sexuality?
Contemporary tantra can assist men in a modern relationship in simple and profound way. Sacred sexuality and tantra can give us a few lessons on opening up to love with a partner on all levels – body, heart and soul. The magic of love and connection can be helped along. We are never too old for openness, wonder and playfulness to ignite our senses on all levels and bring us the benefits of a potent aphrodisiac. Tantra provides skills for potency and ejaculation control.
What is the PC muscle and how can it help men?
Specific tantric skills are very helpful in enhancing erection strength and ejaculation mastery! A practice to help with control is strengthening the pubococcygeal (PC) muscle. One way to locate this muscle is to try and stop the flow during urination by contracting the pelvic floor. If you can do that then you have found the muscle. It is taught in many texts that if a man contracts this muscle before ejaculation it will stop it. However if it’s not done correctly it doesn’t work. A common error that is made is trying to do it just before ejaculation; if you do it at 90 per cent and you haven’t practiced enough it won’t work and may even cause you to ejaculate. It’s best to do it in stages at 20%, at 30%, at 50%, at 75% and then 90%. If you experience prostate difficulties consult your doctor first.
What is your attitude to drugs such as Viagra?
These medications can increase performance but not necessarily desire, for him or his partner. Erection strength is only one ingredient. And the drug doesn’t necessarily help him with ejaculation control, although he may stay hard after ejaculation the passion and intimacy are gone. For some men these drugs may pose a health risk. In addition to the potential side effects the ancient Chinese believed that as a man’s life force diminishes, so does a man’s ability to get erections. This is the body’s natural protective mechanism to save him from over-ejaculating and losing more energy. By chemically inducing an erection most men then force themselves to ejaculate even though they don’t feel like it. The Taoists say this puts tremendous strain on the whole body and affects health and life expectancy.
Is there too much focus on performance rather than pleasure?
Too often, lovemaking is measured against orgasmic response. That is, the quicker and more often you come, the better! Orgasm takes precedence over pleasure. As a result so many facets of sensuous experience are overlooked. If we can learn to relax and enjoy pleasure it can encompass so much more for ourselves and our partners, that is the main goal of lovemaking or sexual loving.
How can tantric sex help men improve the quality of their relationships?
While making love, a great question to ask yourself is ‘How much love am I feeling while making love? ’ Men are more conscious about getting a result … good sex and orgasm… than how much love they are feeling in their heart. Tantra education may be good for him to learn how to connect sex and heart feelings.
Can you suggest a daily ritual that couples can do to help them feel connected?
A great practice for couples to try is to occasionally make eye contact during love making – it’s common to shut our eyes to loose ourselves in the feeling. That’s perfectly fine however ‘the eyes are the window to the soul’ and often we are not present with our lover and truly feeling the intimacy. It can feel quite awkward at first for some, but if you want to be an intimate loving couple, totally present and fully opened to each other, then try allowing yourself to be seen by you partner.
A practice anyone can try before sex or at another time is to sit opposite your partner, hold hands and shut your eyes for a few minutes and think about some of the things you enjoy about one another. We often spend a lot of energy inwardly complaining about the things that annoy us or we want to change about the other. So for five minutes, let go of that, open your eyes and take turns in telling each other ten things you appreciate about your partner. When one person says something, the other simply says ‘thank you’ and doesn’t comment. Just accept and enjoy. At the end have a hug and don’t discuss it further. Do something together, like taking a walk or simply share a cup of tea. Sounds too simple… but try it and see the effect for yourself. Theory is knowing it, practice is living it!
Five sexuality/relationship tips for older men
1. Strengthen the pubococcygeal (PC) muscle.
2. Connect sex and heart feelings.
3. Remember ‘it’s better to give a woman a little of what she wants rather than a lot of what you think she wants.’
4. Recognize the importance of ‘warming her waters’, eg. not just foreplay but lots of it with loveplay. Eg. stroking her body, finding those pleasure areas behind her knees, neck, ear lobes.
5. Be inventive not only with sex but in the ways you tell her you love her and appreciate her. Tell her five things you love about her/him!
Diane Riley – Australian School of Tantra
Sex later in life
Questions:
About Men
*How important is sexuality in our lives? What role does it play?
Sexuality is an integral part of our lives, it provides dynamic energy. It touches and inspires every aspect of life and affects us emotionally, physically and spiritually. We can learn to develop and enhance our experience of sexuality to create more love in our lives.
*What is the philosophy behind Tantric sex?
Tantra emphasizes that we deserve all the love and sexual pleasure we can possibly receive; that sexual loving is a way to reach the mysteries of the heart, the soul, within each person. It also teaches that sex is a way of bonding with a lover physically, emotionally and spiritually to create feelings of ecstatic pleasure, deep intimacy and feelings of connectedness.
*What happens to a man’s sexuality as he grows older?
It’s natural for many men to have changes in their sexuality with age. Some may be concerned about sustaining potency, virility or have health or personal issues that impact on their sexuality and performance.
*How challenging can it be for men to acknowledge these changes?
Many men report they don’t want this area of their life to be over while others feel they are too old and say they can’t do anything about it. A lot of men are challenged and don’t have the education around what they can do to sustain sexual wellbeing into their older years.
*How can tantric sex help men improve their sexuality? (erection strength, premature ejaculation, difference between ejaculation and orgasm etc.)
Contemporary tantra can assist men in modern relationship in simple and profound ways. Sacred sexuality and tantra can give us a few lessons on opening up to love with a partner on all levels – body, heart and soul. The magic of love and connection can be helped along. We are never too old for openness, wonder and playfulness to ignite our senses on all levels and bring us the benefits of a potent aphrodisiac. Tantra provides skills for potency and ejaculation control.
*What is the PC muscle and how can it help men?
Specific tantric skills are so helpful to enhance erection strength and ejaculation mastery! A practice to help with control is strengthening the pubococcygeal muscle one way to locate this muscle is to try and stop the flow during urination by contracting the pelvic floor. If you can do that then you have found the muscle. It is taught in many texts that if a man contracts this muscle before ejaculation it will stop it. However if it’s not done correctly it doesn’t work. A common error that is made is trying to do it just before ejaculation; if you do it at 90% and you haven’t practiced enough it won’t work and may even cause you to ejaculate. It’s best to do it in stages at 20%, at 30%, at 50%, at 75% and then 90%. If you experience prostate difficulties consult your doctor first.
*What is your attitude to Viagra? What is it and what are the risks?
Viagra can increase performance but not necessarily desire (for him or his partner). Erection strength is only one ingredient. And the drug doesn’t necessarily help him with ejaculation control, although he may stay hard after ejaculation the passionate and intimacy are gone. For some men these drugs may pose a health risk. In addition to the potential side effects the ancient Chinese believed that as a man’s life force diminishes so does a man’s ability to get erections. This is the body’s natural protective mechanism to save him from over ejaculating and losing more energy. By chemically inducing an erection most men then force themselves to ejaculate even though they don’t feel like it. The Taoists say this puts tremendous strain on the whole body and effects health and life expectancy.
*Is there too much focus on ‘performance rather than pleasure’? Is society too orgasm obsessed? What is your opinion and advice?
Too often, lovemaking is measured against orgasmic response. That is, the quicker and more often you come, the better! Orgasm takes precedence over pleasure. As a result so many facets of sensuous experience are overlooked.
If we can learn to relax and enjoy pleasure we can feel for ourselves and bring to our partners as the main goal of lovemaking or sexual loving can encompass so much more.
*How can tantric sex help men improve the quality of their relationships – emotionally and sexually? (connection, warming the waters)
While making love a great question to ask yourself is ‘How much love am I feeling while making love? ’ Men are more conscious about getting a result … good sex and orgasm… than how much love they are feeling in their heart. Tantra education may be good for him to learn how to connect sex and heart feelings.
*Can you suggest a daily ritual that couples can do to help them feel connected? (daily devotion? Or something similar)
A great practice for couples to try is to occasionally make eye contact during love making; it’s common to shut our eyes to loose ourselves in the feeling, that’s perfectly fine; however we are often not present with our lover and feeling the intimacy. ‘The eyes are the window to the soul’ it can feel quite awkward at first for some, but if you want to be an intimate loving couple, totally present, and fully opened to each other, then try allowing yourself to be seen by you partner.
A practice any one can try before sex or separate time is to sit opposite each other, hold hands and shut your eyes for a few minutes and think about some of the things you enjoy about your partner, because we often spend a lot of energy inwardly complaining about the things that annoy us or we want to change about the other. So for five minutes, let go of that, open your eyes and take turns in telling each other ten things you appreciate about them. When one shares something the other is to simply say ‘thank you’ and not comment. Just accept and enjoy. At the end have a hug and don’t discuss it further. Do something together like a walk or simply a cup of tea. Sounds too simple… but try it and see the effect for yourself. Theory is knowing it, practice is living it!
Tips:
Please list five tips that would be helpful for older men and their sexuality/relationships.
