Tantric practices for lovers

Many women sense that their sexuality is much more expansive and powerful than they or their partners may be prepared to acknowledge or explore. Perhaps we are hesitant to do so because we are not quite sure where this will take us. Yet some of us have had a glimpse of a sacred sexual experience and know there is more. Increasingly women and men want to explore the sacred aspects of sex and relationship to discover ways that sexual loving can open the doors of enlightment for their beloved and themselves.

In some ancient cultures when a woman was in a high state where sexuality was combined with spirituality, it was said she was in the presence of the goddess of love and sexuality and by embodying some aspects of this goddess we are able to enjoy our lovemaking a whole lot more.

Today the study of sacred sexuality is a wonderful context to explore relationship and conscious lovemaking, where both men and women, single and in partnership can expand conscious awareness on a personal and spiritual level ; body , heart and soul.
Contemporary tantra offers many practical skills and frames of reference to assist modern lovers on the path of love, relationship and sexuality.
Tantra is a spiritual science from ancient India and in its basic essence, very similar to Taoism from China. Both involve balancing the male and female energies to create harmony and have an ultimate goal of unity or spiritual ecstasy, known as enlightenment. Tantra encourages one to explore every aspect of life. So obviously the study of sexuality was included, not only included but in fact revered.

Making love was seen as divine, as a gift to God. So there was no repression or guilt attached to sex. It taught that when a man approaches his beloved he should have a sacred feeling as if he were going into a temple. How would that be for you if your partner was aware of that aspect of tantra?

For my partner Kerry and me, tantra is a journey and a spiritual path which it can be for you individually or with a partner to experience your highest potentials; physically, emotionally and spiritually. In tantric loving you develop your ability to accept and feel more love and to express and give more love on every level. It gives you a frame work to explore sexuality and relationship in a sacred way.

If you’re single by developing tantric practices and skills you may find your magnetic attractiveness is increased and as a result may draw to yourself a suitable partner and when you do, you’ll have extra skills to develop and share which will help maintain a nurturing and passionate partnership. If already in relationship you and your partner will be opened up to new heights of love and it will help keep love and passion alive even in a long term relationship.

Tantric lovemaking and relationship can add to the ways you experience love in 3 major areas:

Firstly: It teaches you ways to open to more love so that your heart truly opens.

Secondly: It gives you ways to reach heightened states of ecstasy and pleasure beyond the realms of normal sex.

Thirdly: it teaches Sacred Sex- ways to transform your lovemaking into a sacred experience which will touch you on every level of your being, body, heart and soul.
Tantra requires a committed willingness to honestly examine your own limitations and resistances in the areas of heart felt emotion, sexuality and love that inhibit you from developing your potentials. We all have some blockages or other which restrict the amount of love and pleasure that we can feel and enjoy and restrict also the amount of love we extend to others including our partners.

The kundalini energy, the sexual life force that sits in the base of the spine rises and provides us with energy and inspiration we need for this transformation, to help unlock these blockages and to give us the insights and the awareness to make positive changes on physical and emotional levels, which enables us to open up more and more to our full creative potentials. Tantra teaches us the ways to awaken and transform our kundalini energy into creativity and healing.

How much love do you feel in your life right now?

Sadly, all too often we hold back and protect our love because we are afraid that if we surrender to it, we will get hurt. Perhaps, some time in the past we may have opened our heart and been hurt. Someone leaves us, someone lets us down, someone cheats on us. So we protect ourselves by building up layers of defense around our heart. Yet we all know that it is only love that makes us feel whole. We all have a great need for love and it’s only when we fully open up to it that we will feel complete. We need to trust again to ‘let go’. If we get hurt again, then in my mind at least, this is preferable to only living life in a state of ‘half loving’. Through contemporary tantra we can learn ways to heal and strengthen the heart so we can safely let down some of our barriers.

Take time to listen to your heart.

For this exercise I suggest you put on some heart opening music like Vivaldi or Deva Premal. Sit quietly and put your hands over your heart, paying attention to any physical sensation you may feel – tightness, heaviness, lightness, whatever. Now, pay attention to any feelings that may arise such as joy, laughter, sadness. Give yourself a few minutes to experience whatever it is you can feel. If you are doing this with a partner, then perhaps hold each other in a warm embrace. Don’t talk; rather concentrate on your feelings of love. If you are doing this exercise alone, then just put your hands on your heart chakra, in the centre of your chest – right hand over left.

The heart is a great teacher if we learn to listen to it. By being aware of what it is, we experience our emotions and take time to savor the ‘good’ things. We are also able to give attention to uncomfortable feelings like hurt, anger, guilt, frustration, sadness and disappointment. Be conscious of your breathing and use the out breath to release and let go of the tension associated with these feeling. If we can do this, then we are in a better position to heal or to take responsibility for these feelings rather than them remaining a shadow of energy that builds to eruption point creating continual disharmony and drama in our lives.

What was your education about sex?

Our attitudes to sex have been greatly influenced by our up- brining in a society which gave many of us mental associations with sex of fear, guilt, secrecy and shame. Although you may feel this doesn’t impact on you now they often are imbedded in our subconscious and affect our ability to truly feel all the bliss and ecstasy that can occur during lovemaking.

Who taught you about sex? Was it someone skilled in the arts of tantra, versed in two thousand years of lovemaking secrets? And your first sexual experience, was that a right of passage a wonderful journey into the secrets of lovemaking? Did you see it as an art form, a gift of God? Not likely I bet.

Taoist sexuality writings say, the woman is like water and the man is like fire. What normally happens is the water puts out the fire too quickly. Conscious men, need to be able to make love as long as necessary to satisfy their women and at the same time reach higher orgasmic states themselves.
For men, ejaculation mastery is an essential skill to master so that during lovemaking they can learn to flow with that energy while at the same time their beloved is feeling that energy and is being warmed up to higher orgasmic states. To find out more click here

There are two exercises, two techniques that will help with ejaculation control. One is P.C. Muscle exercises and the other is the breath.

These exercises are also beneficial for women to extend pleasure for herself and to give more pleasure to her partner. The P.C. muscle is the major muscle of contraction in both sexes for orgasm, so strengthening it increases sensations of pleasure.

The P.C. muscle extends from the base of the spine where it is connected to the coccyx, to the front of the body where it is connected to the pubic bone. A good way to locate the P.C. or love muscle for yourself is that next time you are urinating try to stop the flow of urination in mid stream.

Another secret is working with your breath. What most men do as excitement builds up is hold their breath as they get close to climax. If men are to reverse the flow of sexual energy the best way is to breathe slowly, deeply and rhythmically.

For women to enhance your own ecstasy you can us the P.C. Muscle and breath exercise also. You can use this at peaks of energy to trigger orgasm or to spread the orgasmic energy throughout the body.

Tantra Lovemaking as a spiritual practice.
Many people know about meditation and are curious how to incorporate it as a tantric practice. White Tantra is when you do your meditation alone; Red Tantra is when you combine your practice with a partner. Both are profound and powerful.
Setting the physical environment is important. Taking a little time to clean and beautify your room or space, the use of candles, flowers, essence all help to make the transition from the ordinary to the extraordinary. While in sexual embrace , the use of meditative skills such as breath awareness, being totally in the moment, muscle awareness, being heart connected, giving and receiving pleasure can change lovemaking into a sacred experience opening the doors of expanded awareness and insight. When this is experienced it is said the god and goddess of love have danced on the ceiling and leave their gifts of bliss to resonant with you in your daily life.

Diane Riley, author ‘Sexual Secrets of Men’, co- creator “The Secrets of Sacred Sex’ video and director with her partner Kerry Riley of The Australian School of Tantra. They run weekend Tantra workshops for singles and couples throughout Australia.

Copyright 2005. Spectra 2000 P/L
By Diane Riley