Creating More Intimacy

Sexual intimacies,
A lot of women enjoy sex and yet say to me there is something missing, there must be
something more. They have already done all the positions, oral and anal! They love sex and
their partner but something is missing. Often what is missing is that special intimacy that can
help transform sex into lovemaking. Discovering what enhances your sexuality intimacy is a
part of on going sexual journey. Sexual intimacies for women are often different than they are
for men.
Don’t get stuck into the same sexual routine of always doing things the way he wants, perhaps
a quickie or giving him a hot blow job, which are great, widen your repertoire and experiment
with something different and I don’t mean just the hard core scenarios of porn movies (after all
these are just male sex fantasy that doesn’t include any type of heart feeling or personal
intimacy). Modern culture has portrayed ‘great sex’ as, he excites you with kiss, touch, oral sex
and intercourse and that can be great, however a lot of women feel a lot of pressure to come
quickly, so that he can feel good about his skill, or to satisfy him without themselves feeling the
potential of their own sexual pleasure and truly loved. There is a difference between ‘sex’ and
making love. Sex is a basic drive anyone can have sex, but lovemaking includes both the
genitals and the heart, when both are passionate and intimate and flowing with our partners.
Think of yourself as the love goddess able to unlock the mysteries of sexuality to make and
enjoy the dynamic connection between your lovely bits, his mighty bits and lovers hearts.
What do you really want? Most women to create more intimacy as lovers and that often require
stepping outside your comfort zones and doing some quite different. Sometimes, during
heightened sexual experience, we move into a blissful state , a timeless space where we feel
totally connected to our partner, ourselves, and everything, the sky, the sun, the ocean all ofnature! Sounds trippy? Well we all know that sex can be a natural high. So why wait? Ecstatic
sex! It’s free, it’s safe but be ware it can be addictive!
Well how do we get there?
Here are three tips from the ancient traditions of sacred sexuality that can take
lovemaking to new levels.
1. Setting up a love space
Every Goddess of love requires a suitable place to practice her arts. Make your bedroom an
expression of your sensuality. You can start with a vase of flowers, a feather, a shell, and an
antique perfume bottle on a small bedside table, anything that symbolizes the feminine.
Perhaps put new curtains and new pillows in the room and place books of love or erotic poetry
next to your bed. It can be a place that when you step into it, you feel transformed. By doing
this, you are creating a world of your own choosing, an expression of your innermost self,
where you feel relaxed and beautiful. Let that aspect of Aphrodite come forth, for she is the
Goddess of love and Beauty, creating beautiful surroundings that soothe the spirit and please
the senses, a place where your lovemaking is an expression of your divine self.
Some women set up a special place in their bedroom, may be on a little table or the side of
their dresser , using beautiful materials, vases, shells, special photos or little brass goddess ,
something that represents to them the beauty of the goddess of love.
Create an intimate atmosphere by burning essential oils such as rose to open ‘the heart’ and
use massage oils. a special bell, charm, candles or incense. Introduce this idea to your partner.
It’s certainly fun to shop for some special things together. It allows the softer side to develop in
both of you.
When you’re in your own goddess space, you can feel safe to let your love Goddess free.2. Eyes open
Lie naked beside your partner. Look gently into their eyes. This is called eye gazing. For
some, it is a process that may take a little while to get used to as it can be uncomfortable at first
to look and to be seen; you or your partner may feel shy or embarrassed. If you need to shut
your eyes from time to time to rest them, do so for a moment, and then open them again to look
gently at your partner.
As you look into your partner’s eyes, be aware that you are not doing it with an intrusive or
controlling attitude, but that your gaze is soft, flexible and gentle. As you look past your lover’s
personality, look past the social mask they have needed to develop in daily life, and go into a
deeper and softer part of him. The eyes are indeed windows to the soul.
3. Lovemaking breathing practices
Special breathing practices are an integral part of a Goddess of love secrets. Breathing is as
natural as being born. It is an automatic function of our bodies and most people don’t give it
much thought unless they’re out of breath or gasping for breath. Women can benefit by
learning some sacred sexuality breathing techniques.
Benefits of breathing in sync with your partner:
? Helps to induce a relaxed state of being before making love. Often we carry a lot of
unperceived stress, which collects throughout the day and reduces our capacity to be
connected to our partners and feel ready for love.
? Maintains focus in the moment. Instead of the mind racing off to ‘how am I doing?’ ‘Or, is he
going to come too soon?’ or ‘I can hear the telephone, I wonder who it is?’ – focusing on the
breath keeps you in present time, in the moment. When you are totally in the moment, not
worrying about anything else, the amount of sensation you feel, increases. If you are
focused in the moment, then each touch, each caress, becomes even more powerful. It’s
as if you are seeing, touching, feeling, smelling, and tasting for the first time, over and over.? Connects you with your partner. When couples are consciously breathing in time with each
other, this helps to harmonize and weave together their energies. Thus, they become two
making love as one, instead of him making love to her and her making love to him,
independently of each other, off in their own worlds.
? Couples feel emotionally closer. Trust grows deeper and sexuality becomes fuller.
Inhibitions are forgotten, fears are released and they fall deeper in love.
Elongates orgasmic sensations. Often, in lovemaking, the breath will race away as you
approach climax – it grows increasingly rapid, which, in fact, accelerates climax. In sacred
lovemaking, we sometimes want to extend those spaces of heightened sexual energy, we don’t
want them to finish too soon, rather, and we want to be bathed for just that much longer in love.
Using the breath to spread the
Copyright Diane Riley 2005
? energy allows this to happen. It is said that your orgasm will last as long as your exhalation.
So start practicing.

4. Stop for a moment
In the middle of lovemaking ask him to stop for a moment, to slow down.
Often men are so focused on doing a good job that they forget it’s supposed to be about
pleasure! Sometimes while still being in intercourse, ask him to stop and hold you for a
moment or two, without penis action, but still inside. This can be a fantastic experience, hearts
melting into each other, when bodies are still ripples of deep pleasure can pulse through your
body, from head to toe. So instead of him thrusting away and being in his thoughts and you
bonking (?) and being with your thoughts – take time to really be totally present for each other
in body and heart can trigger waves of whole body bliss!If this is too MUCH, in that it’s too trippy, let me know and I can give you something else like a
blindfold touching exercise.
Or exploring his / her genitals.
Woman on top position for women to take control
Sexual massage
5. Importance of sound
Our body not only vibrates with the pleasure of touch but also with the pleasure of sound. The
sound of favorite music, or the wind, our lovers’ whisperings and our own sounds of love can
have a strong effect on our body, heart, and the mystics might say, on the spirit.
Copyright Diane Riley 2005
Because lovemaking is a private activity, some women do not make noise other than the
occasional “OOH’s” and “A’s”. This may be due to conditioning, that making noise is vulgar,
lurid, embarrassing. A key for many women to enhancing sexual pleasure and being able to let
go a lot more is to break through these old limiting belief patterns.
You may have noticed how a child getting really upset may hold his jaw, clench his teeth and
hold his breath. It’s only when he screams out that he lets go of the tension. The scream
comes with the let go.
Similarly as you build energy during sex, the sound can provide a trigger for the desired let go.
Start to practise making much more noise during intercourse – even if it’s not happening
naturally, allow more sounds to surface. The only reason it’s not happening naturally is
because, as children, we’ve been told we were good when we were quiet and well-behaved.
Well stop behaving! And go wild! You may be surprised – grunts, moans, guttural animal
sounds; spirals of laughter are not uncommon.As you feel orgasm arriving, make a sound that reaches down into your pelvis and allow the
swell of anticipation and sensation to rush forth and envelop your body. The strength and depth
of sound can affect your orgasm dramatically. to increase the length and power of your orgasm,
start to inhale (as slowly as possible) about halfway into the orgasmic peak. The built up feeling
of climax will continue for as long as you can sustain the inhalation. When you’ve reached the
limit of inhalation, begin to release the breath with as much sound as possible. Really sing out.
The volume of your sound influences the volume and depth of your orgasm. It’s a fun technique
to try but you may have to have a pillow handy if you don’t want the neighbors to hear you. (Or
alternatively as you begin to orgasm, use your voice, the volume of sound influences the depth
of your orgasm. Your climax will continue for as long as you can yell)!


Copyright Diane Riley 2005
Diane Riley
Holds ‘Goddess Parties/ Hens Nights’
Australian School of Tantra. 9974 4724
Copyright Diane Riley 2005