By Lucy Fisher Featured writer for Australian School of Tantra ( with Diane Riley)
Dating Aps: As a single 30 – something woman looking for love, I can’t help but observe a rapidly changing climate in the dating aps world. Beneath the fun, frivolous, commitment free, variety filled veneer of modern dating, lies a darker reality of a growing epidemic. The expedient use of dating apps and social media portals is taking its toll on interpersonal relating in an alarmingly inconspicuous manner, well at least to the majority. The volume of choice and vast opportunity for fast, easy casual sex or even “sexting” is seeing a decline in foundational aspects of dating.
We have somehow managed to completely bypass the whole “getting to know you“ stage of meeting someone new, to the “dick pic” and “what are you wearing now “ phase . The great deficit in intimacy and connection that has become the new norm in dating protocol, isn’t just a frustrating side affect of the technological age of dating , but a detrimental one , resulting in the nullification of personal growth, mature communication and intimacy.! !
Although one could argue that casual dating isn’t anything new, it has definitely transcended to unparalleled heights of convenience, superficiality, disconnection and disposal, that arbours greater overall consequences than we really like to pay attention to. Sure, we are all busy, just trying to get our needs met and ticking it off on our “to do” list, right? but connections created immediacy, self satisfaction and convenience, leaves us soulfully, energetically and emotionally undernourished . This can be hard to detect in our day to day lives, as we heavily busy ourselves with endless distraction, avoiding any time and space in which we may actually stop, sit and reflect upon the needs of our hungry soul.! !
Jen Kim writes about how in modern dating life, we no longer have the feeling of scarcity, as there are always so many options at our fingertips. This doesn’t just make us picky, but arguably unreasonably so. “How quickly have we thumbed left simply because the face peering back at us had an eyebrow hair out of place or because the guy seemed short even though you could only see his head?” she writes. “How many amazing potential mates have we missed out on because we were convinced the next profile would be better?” In the end, attraction is about more than just a photo. It’s more than just an instant spark on a first date, or a Valentine’s Day card. Ultimately, while dating apps bring us closer to people we might not otherwise have met, the issues they cause paradoxically make it even more difficult to make a connection. To avoid falling in the maximising trap, if you think you’ve met someone and it could be something good, try and give it a fair chance. Otherwise you might be holding out for a fairytale that could never happen.
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