One practice to tune in and harmonise with your lover is to slowly follow each others breath.
No one is to lead, but to harmonise and enjoy the experience of finding harmony between both breaths.
Slow down, let go and allow a flow of ‘energy’ to grow and your breath will take care of itself.
Don’t get caught up in thoughts, yours or what you may think the other is thinking, get out of your own way.
Focus for a little while on your own breath, on slowing down to a relaxed rhythm of breath entering your nostrils and your lungs, feeling your diagram raise and fall. What the breath leave your lungs and your nostrils to merge with the rest of your exhale.
Sink more deeply into your breath.
Slowly, maybe playfully finding a combined rhythm with your lover, your beloved.
This is one way of using Tantric Breath.
In the initial stages of most relationships when men and women meet and fall in love, there is lots of love and energy and intimacy, lots of lovemaking and lots of passion. Then, after a period of time many couples lose it. The Hite Report states that eighty five percent of women say that after two years of being in a relationship or marriage they love their husbands but they are no longer ‘in love’ with them. Some couples will say to Diane and me: ‘We still have sex, our passion still comes up occasionally, but it seems to have lost its sizzle, it’s lost its juice. The intimacy and the opening that we used to feel in our hearts when we first met isn’t really there any more. We’re not in love like we used to be.’
There is a school of thought that believes: ‘Well that’s natural, that’s what happens.’ It is natural and it is what happens unless couples consciously choose to continue to create love and passion in their relationships. This is possible, but it requires a decision that this is something that you dearly want in your lives, something that you treasure, something that you believe will give you more from life than anything else.
The path of relationship as one of the quickest paths to personal growth and fulfilment physically, emotionally, spiritually and sexually. Relationship can be a path through which we get a tangible experience of love. For this reason if you decide to put a lot of energy, care and attention into it so that you experience more love in this lifetime. We know that at the end of our lives what will count more than anything else will be how much we loved.
Above everything else, we all want love. We can go through life and gain a lot of things materially and socially, but if we miss out on love then we will have missed the most important thing in life. The woman with whom you have chosen to live your life your beloved is the one you have allowed to get closest to you, and through her you have the potential to feel even more love in this lifetime. A lot of couples make a common error. They put more energy into their career, their family, their sport and their interests than into their relationship. They expect their relationship will progress satisfactorily while they get on with these so-called much more important things. They do not realise that by supporting and nurturing their primary relationship, they will be able to enhance and give more energy and creativity to all these other pursuits and relationships.
Treat your relationship with your beloved as a wonderful gift and see it as a generator of creativity, providing energy for everything else that you want to do.
In other words, make an agreement to treat your relationship as high priority and put in the energy necessary to support that decision.
The truth is that no matter how much we want our relationships to run smoothly, disharmony still occurs. We get out of sync with our partner. We have disagreements, we argue and sometimes we get angry and hurt and say things to our partner that we wouldn’t say to our worst enemy.
What can we do about disharmony? First we need to have the right attitude. If we have the attitude that conflict should not occur, then we are always going to be under stress. Conflict is a part of growth and does occur in a healthy relationship. Very often the closer we get to our beloved, the more conflicts arise, so we need to develop the attitude, as we confront uncomfortable situations together, that although it can be painful, it is an opportunity to grow closer together.
Many people have the attitude that a good relationship must always be smooth and controlled, so they are unhappy and disappointed with their marriage when it doesn’t happen like that. They spend a lot of energy covering up the disharmony from others and they cover it up from each other until it gets out of control, and then the whole relationship explodes. So the first thing to have in your relationship is the understanding that disharmony is part of a healthy relationship, that it’s natural. Loving couples strive for the joy of becoming closer and closer together. They want union, but along with union comes dependence which can make a man feel that he is allowing a woman to hold power over him. Men don’t want to have to depend on women; to some men this dependence threatens their sense of masculinity and they resent it. Many women also resent feeling dependent on men and this creates an ongoing struggle for power and independence.
That is why lovers will always go on fighting. The fight is simply a way to show each other they are still independent. We fight and feel like separating sometimes, but it’s not too long before we start wanting to make up, wanting to be held again, because the moment we start separating from our beloved we feel a need for the union. We miss the warmth, we miss the love, we miss the sex, we miss the feeling of union, we feel lonely and so do our partners. So we strive to create union again, and the struggle goes on. Part of us wants to be interdependent while the other part wants independence. It is important not to blame each other because this is something that happens between male and female energies. Don’t take it personally and don’t hurt the other for doing what is part of the man-woman relationship game.
Joys and hurts are part and parcel of falling in love. The secret is to see them as a natural part of a relationship the key is to nurture relationship to keep it healthy and respectful…
There is a well known teaching that says: ‘In order to go forward you must first contract.’ The metaphor is that of a bow and arrow. In order for the arrow to move forward, you must first pull back against the bow. This is like a couple who pull away from each other, contract from each other as tension builds up, then when it is released they move further forward in their relationship. A master archer knows to let go of the arrow as soon as the contraction is complete and his aim is taken. We need to become master archers in our relationships. Lets all be a little bit kinder, and if you can … take a moment … to check …in with yourself to be passionate, present and respectful.
What is it to explore and continue to find your own alone-ness?
Many people in relationship are trying to remain themselves. Both lovers are related and yet independent and hence often a struggle arise. They forget to discuss their values, aspirations and activities or ideas and may become resentful.
What can we do: Giving time, encouraging, letting go of the other.
Don’t be your partners missing piece, or them yours. LoveWorks Tantra sessions builds skills for intimacy and passion plus valuing and nurturing polarity. This maintains the space for the spark to be charged!
These are musings…
Skills to assist
Mindfulness and meditation
Authentic and respectful communication
Discussed values and boundaries
And sharing pleasures with your partner.
more to come…
ABSORBING SHAKTI ENERGY
One of the least understood Tantric Secrets for Men is absorption of shakti energy, come along to the LoveWorks Tantra teacher training in Feb yet it is a subtle energy that you can pick up any time you are in the presence of a woman who is sexually aroused. Men may feel it but they don’t know what it is and have no idea how it can benefit them. If you are consciously aware of what shakti energy is, then that consciousness determines how you will use it. If you drink deeply of its energy, you will gain power.
… A conscious lover, aware of the power of the shakti energy, will drink deeply of that energy whenever he is in its presence. You should be especially aware at the point of orgasm because the room will fill with this magic energy. Look at your woman. Look how vital, and glowing she appears, flushed with the hormones, the energy, the juices that run through her body that can charge and empower you, fill you with creativity and energy. As she orgasms, breathe in deeply and absorb as much of the shakti as you can, then as you breathe out, imagine you are sending the energy back to her.
During orgasm the woman’s shakti energy is totally awakened, so use this time to tell her things that support her and her sexuality. At the point of orgasm or around that time, the woman is totally open to receiving imprints, things that you say to her. Never say anything that puts her down or makes her feel bad after orgasm because she is very open then. Utilise the time for healing. Say something about your love for her, how close you feel to her. Or use it as a time to override old patterns that she may have about the shape of her body or her sexual response.
Very often in day-to-day life your partner won’t really hear it when you say ‘I love your body,’ ‘I love your breasts’ or ‘I love the way you look.’ But in this open psychic state she has no choice. It will sink deeply into her subconscious and she will absorb it. So you can use this as a valuable healing time for your relationship.
It’s a great time to give your partner some positive conditioning in the area of her sexual loving. In ancient India women were taught positive connection with their sexuality. They were taught that with the shakti energy they could create harmony in themselves, in their family and in the world. Her subconscious may be impregnated with negative experiences, imprints that other men may have given her. Maybe she spent time with a man who never understood her sexually, just pounded away until he ejaculated. This builds up negative imprinting about sexuality and men in general. The point of her orgasm provides a great opportunity to heal some of this. In this way you are absorbing the shakti energy and sending energy back to her.
Extract from Sexual Secrets for Men p 172
When you learn tantric massage it has the potential for you to give your man more pleasure
than he has ever experienced before. He may have had a massage before,
but not like the one you are about to give him. Traditional masseurs avoid
our most pleasurable parts, but as a beloved you can learn tantric massage. But this time, the focus is on the whole of the
body and his wand of light is definitely part of that.
When you learn tantric massage your partner is going to love the experience. It will help shift the focus of his sexual experience from purely genital to an overall feeling of bliss on many levels. Not only will it be sensational for your partner, you will also thoroughly enjoy giving it. It will open you up to new experiences
because it will give you a sense of power. You will be orchestrating his
pleasure and initiating him into new areas of sexuality.
In ancient times, Aphrodite’s priestesses would welcome men
home from the ravages of war and, through similar practices, heal their
trauma and renew them, preparing them to re-enter civilised society once
more.When you learn tantric massage it helps charging in physical energy which
rushes pulsing through the body and revitalizes heart and mind.
First, set your bedroom ambiance: music, lighting, temperature and
refreshments. Be sure to reserve this time for his pleasure; let him relax; he
doesn’t have to do anything except receive your attention and your love.
For many men, to hear that all they need to do is to enjoy their woman’s
loving attention is a dream come true!
Chose your clothing as in supporting you being an ‘initiator’. For some
women, this can mean lacy underwear, for others it could be transparent
scarves and beads, for others still, maybe black leather.
Have massage oils prepared, a towel, warm water and, if you have one, a
massage table. Check to see you have everything ready so that you don’t
have to be distracted or keep getting up to find something.
After you learn tantric massage prepare your partner. Perhaps scrub his back in the bath and towel him
down. You could offer him his favourite food or drink and provide some…
From ‘Sexy and Sacred, sexual secrets for women’.. by Diane Riley
Lingam, what is the meaning in the 21st Century?
In western tantra ‘ Lingam’ is referring to the male ‘wand of light’,
Does this have any reference to modern day lovers who practice ‘lingam honouring’ or ‘lingam massage’ ??
First lets look at what has been written, Subhamoy Das is a former journalist and communications professional based in India.
In the post-Vedic period, the Linga became symbolical of the generative power of Lord Shiva.
However Early Hinduism talks of it is only the outward symbol of the formless being.
Linga signifies that the creation is effected by the union of ‘Prakriti’ and ‘Purusha,’ the male and the female powers of Nature. Linga also signifies ‘Satya,’ ‘Jnana’ and ‘Ananta’ – Truth, knowledge, and Infinity.
Lord Shiva, who is the undying soul seated in the chambers of your heart, who is your in-dweller, your innermost self or ‘Atman,’ and who is identical with the supreme ‘Brahman.’
The Linga Purana’s ideas incorporate, states Stella Kramrisch, those of the Samkhya school of Hindu philosophy.The chapter 1.17 of the Linga Purana introduces Linga as Pradhana or Prakriti (cosmic substance), while Shiva is described as Lingin, or one with this “subtle body”. Linga is presented by the text as an abstract concept, contrasted with Alinga (Vyakta), along with its phallic significance and sexual truth in nature’s process of life creation.
The verses of Linga Purana, states Kramrisch, presents Linga as an an iconic symbol of both the matter and the spirit, the Prakriti and the Purusha, whereby the “powers of creation, liberation and annihilation” are symbolized by the icon.
Find out more how knowing about Lingam in a modern day tantric context can bring more passion and union to your relationship.
Being a good lover isn’t easy. With more freedom, knowledge and body awareness, today’s woman knows better than to settle for predictable, performance based sex. ‘Sexual Secrets for Men’ provides everything a man needs to know to satisfy a woman’s physical, emotional and spiritual yearnings in a sexual relationship-and how to bring him to new heights of ecstasy in the process.
Learn about your magic in your LINGAM!
Let me in, let’s make lovingnesses, or,
Need not necessarily be physical, touching compassion,
Thought that you were my comfort or could be each others.
I can’t tell you what you want to hear – she did not say.
We both knew during the paure, it was all already added.
So now I turn to myself and say keep me, hello again.
Thought or spoken aloud or both, expressed and understood.
It was the closure had been craving, lips now unhooked.
Adrift for only instants before I joined myself, unit.
Uniting my anticipations with other ongoing aspirations.
Hopes and dreams, projects pending and my own person.
The reliable nature I offer others, no also nurtures self.
Performance Poet Christo
Photo c/o http://christowarner.com
Tantra and Tantra courses for men an assist in so many sexuality and relationship areas.
‘Tantric Secrets for Men’, first published by Random House in Australia as ‘Sexual Secrets for Men’ was the subject of review by Vogue Magazine as seen below.
Tantric teacher and tantric educator Kerry Riley has talked to thousands of men about their relationships and sexuality concerns. Never before has so much information been collected abut the real issues of men in Sydney.
Tantra is becoming the new language of love for truck drivers, accountants, barristers and stay at home dads, Kerry has educated a diverse cross section of the community. Kerry says a recurring concern for modern man is how to love a woman better. ‘There must be more’ ‘lovemaking is not to just intercourse’, ‘how can I bring my partner more pleasure?’ ‘what an I do to learn more?’.
Tantra reduces the pressure of performance based sex, Tantric lovemaking is intended to be pleasurable. The pressure is now off orgasm, erection, orgasm but focused on heart felt love making. that is feeling love and pleasure in the genitals at the same time as the heart.
Tantric master Kerry Riley and his partner Diane Riley, have been married for 26 years, They have been living in Sydney and teaching Tantric Tantra seminars and course around Australia including Perth, Byron Bay, Melbourne and Sydney. Tantra offers a much wider repertoire or thinking about sexuality. Tantra is an attitude which enhances pleasure and connection on every level.
Tantric secrets for men is a best seller and will remain a significant book in the tantra education area for years to come.
Tantric sex practices offer a variety of sexual styles, from the dynamic fast, often a form of the quickie, to the slow and sensual. Tantra encourages tantric lovers to expand their lovemaking and ask lovers to dialogue with each other and include new ways of lovemaking. The Sydney Australian interviewed Kerry and Diane Riley, founders of the Australian School of Tantra, in Sydney, about tantric sexuality in their issue “In Praise of Slow’ which is a world trend to find more enjoyment and peace in our frantic lives by consciously slowing down everyday tasks like cooking – slow cooking- and of course sex. Slow sex, imagine hours of sensual slow pleasure! Some would say yes!!! Others may think, it may be boring after 10 minutes. However tantra offers lovers many tantric skills and techniques to expand loving pleasure to become one of the richest sexual experience. Outlined below is a tantric practice, Karenza, add it to your tantric skills.
Do you feel in a hurry?
Slow Sex –
‘Keep attentive on the fire at the beginning and so continuing to avoid the embers at the end.’ Osho
Slowing down deepens connection Increases your capacity to love and be loved Focus on your breath, this keeps you in the moment.
More on Slow Sex
Try being together in genital contact where there is no movement for fifteen to twenty minutes. Move only if the erection should slacken. The emphasis is on connecting lovingly; the mood is warm and tender. The trick here is to keep focusing your mind on the pleasure and, to feel this; there is no necessity to move. This method of lovemaking is sometimes called Karenza , which is an Italian word meaning caress. In Karenza, you are making love without an expectation, other than enjoyment, sharing and loving. The pressure for orgasm does not dictate the pace or the outcome of the lovemaking.
By Satyo Cate Sullivan (guest facitiator Womens Tantra Retreat April 23-25 2010)
“The key to discovering the fulfilment that love can give us is to begin to listen to these messages. It is so easy when going about everyday life, managing, coping, and achieving, to either switch off from the heart or stay tuned in on a very surface level. If we do this too much we may find ourselves wondering why we feel dissatisfied, frustrated, restless, bored, and empty. Often this is because we are not listening in to those messages from the heart.
One way to get to know your own heart’s messages is to stop and write down the following sentence and see how you want to finish it. Keep writing this sentence each time, saying it to yourself and, without thinking it out, see what you write. The sentence is “Something my heart enjoys is …..”Just let the simple everyday things come to you as well as anything grandiose. Try not to write what you think your heart should enjoy. One of the joys of this experiment is to let yourself be surprised!!!
If it helps, put your hand on your heart beforehand for a minute to connect with it. Here are some examples I wrote:
“Something my heart enjoys is sitting at the computer writing …. (Now I didn’t expect that!)
“Something my heart enjoys is sensuous playful love making”
“Something my heart enjoys is receiving letters.”
“Something my heart enjoys is partaking in consciousness work.”
“Something my heart enjoys is listening to music by Vivaldi.”
“Something my heart enjoys is being with my goddaughter.”
“Something my heart enjoys is quality time to connect deeply with my lover”
“Something my heart enjoys is creating a beautiful place.”
Some things in life one passionately enjoys and others, just quietly so, but let your mind wander over a wide spectrum of experiences so you become familiar with the many ways your heart can resonate. A variation of this sentence you might like to try is “Something that touches my heart is …..” This can open to other realms of the heart. You can experiment with these sentences again at other times. You will come up with some new heartfelt insights each time. You may also want to consider how much space you are providing for yourself in your everyday life for what resonates with your heart.
There are some simple ways to know when your heart is sending some message to you. It is happening all the time but sometimes we forget how to listen. It is often in the ordinary moments of everyday life that it is happening. A feeling of warmth, an unexpected smile, tears or a sparkle coming to the eyes, an uplifting sense of joy, a wanting to share, often these symptoms are indicators that your heart is saying something, like “Yes, I like this person”, “I feel right in this situation”, “I like walking by the sea right now, I’ll do it a bit longer”, “I love this music, it makes me feel good”, “I am moved by this situation.”, “I need to connect with my friend”. These are the times to listen, not necessarily to act on the messages, but to get to know what your own heart is saying to you and what it feels like to experience it. Sometimes we may want to dismiss messages from the heart because the society we have created is not exactly conducive to some of its feelings. We may feel embarrassed, shy, foolish, scared, even overwhelmed by some of the feelings in the heart, depending on the situation we are in, but if we do not listen to some of its messages we can become cut off, tough, superficial or just end up creating lives that do not give us what we truly need. For example our heart may be sending us messages of attraction towards a person but that person does not fit our head’s ideal of the “right” person for us. We may miss out on a wonderful opportunity!
As you listen to the heart more you realise that it can experience many different states of being. These states can add richness, a fuller dimension to life. The heart knows joy, passion, tenderness, innocence, wonder, yearning, delight, devotion, gratitude, compassion. To taste at least some of these states of being can give a deep sense of fulfilment. Many people, the more they experience love in their lives, say “Oh, this is what life is all about!” When they get caught up and lost in the humdrum of daily living they remember to stop and listen in again to the heart. A way you can do this is to be still, focus on the area of your heart and be aware of one or two feelings that are there in that moment. Sometimes, when doing this, you may become aware of your own needs for the nourishment that a loving heart can give you. And you can provide this for yourself, seeing what your needs are in that moment, running yourself a luxurious bath, asking your lover to caress you, sitting for a while with a cup of tea or ringing a friend for a chat. You may tune in and find your heart feels full to overflowing and want to share that in some way making love, writing a letter, inviting someone over for dinner. You may just want to be present with whatever feeling is in the heart and sit and be with it, maybe lighting a candle or playing some music or you may want to take yourself out and walk somewhere you enjoy.
Sometimes when you listen to the heart there can also be feelings of wistfulness, poignancy, sadness or grief. We all have these feelings. They are part of loving and the longing for love. Allowed to be there, in a situation that feels comfortable for you, and experienced in a state of gentle compassion for yourself, they open another dimension to the love that is in the heart. They bring there own gifts. Listening to the heart is not some gooey, Iovey, dovey state. It can be nitty gritty. It brings height, breadth and depth to our lives and to our interactions with others.
Listening to the heart is enriching to your life whether you have or do not have a lover. Often it feels like we won’t know love and the warmth of the heart until someone comes and loves us. But the more you get to know how to listen to your own heart and discover its qualities the more you see how much love you have inside you already. Love is there in each of us. If you are alone at this time in your life, your sense of wellbeing will be greatly enhanced. If you do meet, or are already with a beloved, you find that, by each being in touch with your own heart you have so much more to share and explore together.